There’s a new Polymarket bet for how long Bryan Johnson’s penis stays erect during nighttime. The antics of a man who injected his teenage son's blood into his veins and underwent “penis rejuvenation therapy” has been a persistent topic on the prediction market—or more precisely, his penis has.

“This market will resolve to ‘Yes’ if Bryan Johnson sustains a nighttime erection for 2 hours and 12 minutes or more based upon the highest of three readings taken during the last week of December 2024,” the market's official description reads.

Currently, there’s a bit over $22,000 at stake. We’ll know who wins by January 15, 2025, 12:00 PM ET.

Johnson, the 45-year-old tech millionaire who spent over $4 million testing anti-aging treatments on himself, is all in on the stunt, and announced that Polymarket had opened betting on his nighttime tumescence.

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This unusual betting market follows Johnson's previous weenie-related wagering history. Earlier this year, bettors who backed his ability to achieve specific sperm count targets above 20 million per ejaculation walked away with 50-50 result against skeptics after a disputed bet.

The stakes are higher this time, and Johnson warned bettors that his current travel schedule could impact the rigidity of his schmeckel.

"I return from China on the 16th of [December] and measurement will take place during the final week of the month," he noted, explaining that international travel disrupts his body's rhythms. "It's TBD how long it takes my body to adjust normal NTE."

Yeah, that’s how he abbreviates “nighttime erections.”

"NTE is a significant biological age marker representing sexual, cardiovascular, and psychological health," Johnson posted, citing research showing deficient nocturnal erections correlate with a higher risk of premature death.

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At the risk of telling you more about the man’s putz than anyone would really want to know, consider that Johnson's best recorded performance to date reached 2 hours and 59 minutes—a feat he claims matches an average 18-year-old.

That said, he had help via a combination of focused shockwave therapy and Botox treatments—which, to be fair, sounds like cheating. However, the aptly named Johnson notes these effects fade over time, adding another variable for potential bettors to consider.

Do you realize that this is the 12th year we've run this series? Time really flies when you don't have something lodged up your butt. But for those of you who do, read on to see if you made this year's list of the weirdest stuff that entered America's orifices. If not, there's always next year.

All reports are taken from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission's database of emergency room visits, all descriptions are verbatim, and all the entries below involved some very poor decisions.

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• FINGER PUPPET

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• "SHOVED A BAG CONTAINING 20 HYDROXYZINE PILLS INTO HIS RECTUM FOR 'STREET CRED'"

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• "MOTORIZED TIRE PUMP INSERTED IN HER RECTUM AND WAS INSUFFLATED FOR A DURATION OF APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES"

A chicken has been given a hi-vis jacket by its owner to ensure it stays safe when crossing the road.

The pet bird, called Billie Jean, was kitted out with the luminous vest to make her more easily seen by drivers.

It follows concerns that the rescue chicken was beginning to wander too far away from her home at The Railway Inn, in the village of Cam, Gloucestershire.

Landlady Sharron Brimble said Billie Jean had become a favourite among the pub’s regulars – prompting a spike in jukebox plays of Michael Jackson’s hit song of the same name.

The 60-year-old said: “People do really love her. She’s quite a character. She wanders around the garden, which is a pub garden, so there’s no way we can fence it all off.

“She started going up the path and now goes across into people’s gardens. We started to get a lot of comments from people saying she was going to get hit by a car.”

However, to Ms Brimble’s surprise, she found she was able to order a chicken-sized hi-vis jacket to help ease the concerns.

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/23487957

A temple in Tamil Nadu reportedly denied a devotee's request to return his iPhone which he accidently dropped into the 'hundi' (donation box or hundial), asserting that it has now become temple property.

The devotee, identified as Dinesh, realised that his iPhone inadvertently slipped into the 'hundi' while he was making the donation at Arulmigu Kandaswamy temple in Thiruporur near Chennai.

He then approached temple officials and pleaded for the return of his phone. However, his request was met with a polite refusal.

Interestingly, the temple administration permitted Dinesh to retrieve the data from his Apple device, but declined to return the phone itself. Dinesh, however, stood firm, insisting on the phone's return.

When the matter reached Karnataka minister PK Sekar Babu, he stated that any item deposited in the donation box of a temple, regardless of whether it was intentional or accidental, becomes part of the deity's account.

An intoxicated passenger who was barred from boarding an airplane at Orlando International Airport rode away from the gate on a motorized suitcase as a police officer on a bicycle followed behind her, court records and newly released video shows.

“We’re going to have a bike pursuing a suitcase in a minute,” an Orlando police officer said as he tried to catch up to the passenger, who was driving a scooter-like electric vehicle mounted to her luggage.

Chelsea Alston, 32, was later accused of battering the police officer and causing more than $1,000 in damage to his patrol car, court records allege. If convicted, she faces up to five years in prison for each offense.

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Orlando police Officer Andrew Mamone informed Alston that her glassy eyes, inability to stand straight and the odor of alcohol on her were reasons for the airline to suspect she was too intoxicated to fly, video from the incident shows.

“It’s OK. You just need to go over to the terminal and sober up a little bit. Get another flight,” Mamone said.

Moments later, as Alston cursed at the officer and waved her middle finger, she rolled away from the gate while sitting on the motorized suitcase.

“Oh man, that thing kind of goes fast,” Mamone said as Alston rode the suitcase through a crowd of passengers, some of whom can be heard giggling at the unusual scene.

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While sitting in the back of the patrol car, Alston ripped apart the police vehicle’s fabric headliner and defecated in the seat, causing an estimated $1,200 in damage, according to an arrest report.

A 25 year-old woman and a 26 year-old man were sentenced to life in prison in a German court on Thursday for the murder of the woman’s lookalike in a scheme to faker her death.

According to the court, the Iraqi-German woman, named only as Shahraban K, wanted to go into hiding due to family conflicts and fake her own death. She went onto social media to search for a doppelganger and arranged to meet a 23 year-old woman, whom she then killed with the help of an acquaintance.

The trial lasted 11 months and more than 50 days of hearings were needed. The court ruled the crime to be particularly serious, which makes it unlikely that the sentence will be suspended after 15 years — a common occurence in Germany.

Handing down the sentence on Thursday, the presiding judge in the city of Ingolstadt described the murder as a "disturbing act".

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Once they had picked her up, the pair brought the victim to a wooded area and stabbed her 56 times.

The victim’s body was then placed in Shahraban K's car, where her parents discovered it and thought it was their daughter’s. But after an investigation, the corpse's true identity was discovered.

In an unusual incident that left Pattaya traffic police officers stunned, a muscular British man swallowed his traffic ticket and washed it down with water right in front of the Pattaya Police Station, before resisting arrest.

The incident occurred on December 21 when traffic police were conducting routine checks at their checkpoint in front of Pattaya Police Station on Beach Road, Chonburi Province. At around 6:30 p.m., officers stopped a tall, well-built foreign man wearing only red shorts on his motorcycle.

The man, who refused to cooperate with police officers, not only declined to show his documentation but also displayed a dismissive attitude. Officers then issued him a ticket for driving without a license and not wearing a helmet, directing him to pay the fine inside the police station.

In a shocking turn of events, the man suddenly stuffed the ticket into his mouth, chewed it, and swallowed it with water, leaving the officers bewildered. Despite attempts to reason with him, the man remained unresponsive, sitting on his motorcycle while listening to music through headphones. Police then had to wheel-lock his motorcycle to prevent escape and called for backup to detain him.

Initially appearing to comply with arrest, the situation escalated when the man became agitated and managed to break free from his handcuffs. Officers then took him into the police station to calm down.

The man was later identified as a 34-year-old British national from Hammersmith. Police charged him with disorderly conduct and provided a translator to explain Thai laws to him. Officers also counseled him about appropriate behavior to prevent similar incidents in the future.

In a follow-up development on the evening of December 22, Investigation Officer Lt. Thanawee Yarangsi called in the British national to face additional charges beyond the original charge of driving without a license. The suspect, now dressed in rapper-style attire and showing a markedly calmer demeanor, was informed that destroying government documents carries penalties of up to three years in prison, a fine of up to 6,000 baht, or both.

Richard Lacey, 70, appeared at Llandrindod Wells Magistrates’ Court this week, where he pleaded guilty to a single charge of drink driving, in Powys, last month.

Lacey, who is now retired but revealed he actually helped design breathalysers when he was in employment, had to use one of the devices after police were called to the scene of a road traffic collision on the A479 near Talgarth on November 23.

Lacey had mounted a roundabout in his Peugeot 208 Gt Puretech, damaging a wheel and leaving the vehicle completely immobile.

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Representing himself at the hearing, Lacey said: “I’ve really got nothing to say. I misjudged how much I’d drunk.

“I had a couple of glasses of wine with lunch and a few pints of beer.

“I’m retired. I designed breathalysers and used to work with the police.”

Lacey was disqualified from driving for 13 months; he can reduce this ban by 13 weeks if he completes a drink drive awareness course.

He was also fined £600 and told to pay a £240 surcharge and £85 costs.

Two men have been arrested in Zambia accused of being "witchdoctors" who had been tasked with trying to bewitch the president.

The police said they had arrested Jasten Mabulesse Candunde and Leonard Phiri in the capital, Lusaka.

"Their purported mission was to use charms to harm" President Hakainde Hichilema, said the police statement, released on Friday.

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The police said Mr Candunde and Mr Phiri were hired by Nelson Banda, the younger brother of MP Emmanuel "Jay Jay" Banda.

The MP was reportedly arrested last month in neighbouring Zimbabwe over robbery charges, which he denies, but he has not been seen in public.

He is also accused of having escaped from custody in August as he awaited to appear in court.

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Mr Candunde and Mr Phiri have been charged under Zambia's Witchcraft Act with "possession of charms", "professing knowledge of witchcraft" and "cruelty to wild animals".

The pair were found in possession of "assorted charms", including a live chameleon, the police added.

They told the police they had been promised more than 2m Zambian kwacha (£58,000; $73,000) for their "mission", according to the police statement.

cross-posted from: https://rss.ponder.cat/post/78184

In a surprising turn of events, a well-known flat-earther conceded that his long-held conspiracy theory was incorrect after embarking on a 9,000-mile journey to Antarctica.

YouTuber Jeran Campanella traveled to the southernmost continent to witness a 24-hour sun - a phenomenon that would be impossible if the Earth were flat.

"I realize that I'll be called a shill for just saying that and you know what, if you're a shill for being honest so be it - I honestly believed there was no 24-hour sun... I honestly now believe there is. That's it," added Campanella.

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Campanella still didn't fully embrace the globe Earth model: “I won’t say the Earth is a perfect sphere,” then said, after first admitting he was wrong.

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The expedition was part of the Final Experiment project, organized by Colorado pastor Will Duffy, who "hopes to end the debate over the shape of the Earth."

The expedition was part of the Final Experiment project, organized by Colorado pastor Will Duffy, who "hopes to end the debate over the shape of the Earth."

He arranged an expedition in which four flat Earthers and four "globe Earthers" were flown to Antarctica to witness the continent's midnight Sun. Antarctica's Midnight Sun is one of many proofs that the Earth is spherical. It can only occur on a tilted and rotating sphere, and the axial tilt during summer positions the South Pole to face the Sun continuously for 24 hours.

Flat Earthers often claim that the Antarctic Treaty of 1959 prevents civilians from visiting the southernmost continent in an attempt to hide the true shape of planet Earth. However, Pastor Duffy wanted to demonstrate that this wasn't the case.

"I created The Final Experiment to end this debate, once and for all. After we go to Antarctica, no one has to waste any more time debating the shape of the Earth," Duffy declared in a statement. "This is, of course, assuming that the entire "experiment" isn't just an elaborate prank designed to fool us 'globe Earthers.' It seems highly unlikely, but we'll keep you posted if anything changes – not that we're trying to sound conspiratorial or paranoid."

The men, both of Rochester, were cultivating cannabis for personal use when their health started to deteriorate, according a case published in the journal, Open Forum Infectious Diseases.

One of them, a 59-year-old man with a history of emphysema as well heavy tobacco and marijuana use, was hospitalized after suffering serious weight loss over the course of about six weeks. He also had a sore throat when he was admitted to Strong Memorial Hospital which had been making it increasingly difficult to swallow.

Doctors initially suspected carcinoma after scans showed a mass on his larynx — but a biopsy sample ultimately tested positive for a histoplasmosis infection.

The other man, who was 64 years old, was meanwhile hospitalized for hypo-osmolar hyponatremia — a condition in which sodium levels in the blood are abnormally low — difficulty eating, and severe weight loss. He also had a long history of tobacco and marijuana use and previously underwent a bypass surgery to better facilitate blood flow to his legs.

Doctors eventually determined he too was suffering from a histoplasmosis infection, a type of pneumonia caused by breathing in spores of histoplasmosis capsulatum.

He told doctors there was “a heavy bat infestation of his attic,” which, as a result, was covered in bat feces, or guano. He said he decided to use the waste to fertilize his marijuana, and then relayed his plan to the 59-year-old, who purchased his own guano online.

It is likely that during the fertilization process, the men breathed in harmful fungus spores released by the guano, leaving them both with pneumonia.

An adult incontinence nappy, designed for concertgoers to avoid long queues at toilets, has gone on sale.

The limited-editon Pit Diaper, specifically for mosh pits at music gigs, was available for $75 (£59) before selling out.

It was sold by US firm Liquid Death, a sparkling water brand known for its unusual heavy metal-style images and marketing.

The firm's promotional material said: "If you've been to a concert, you know the scariest place isn't the mosh pit. It's the bathroom.

"Now you can avoid having to brave that hellscape with the new Pit Diaper," adding that it helps fans "relieve themselves in the safety of the mosh pit".

The company has teamed up with an adult incontinence brand to produce the black pleather accessory, which includes metal studs and chains.

In a suspected act driven by occult practices, a 35-year-old man from Chhattisgarh died after reportedly swallowing a live chick, an incident that left doctors baffled.

The victim, identified as Anand Yadav from Chhindkalo village in Chhattisgarh's Ambikapur, collapsed at home shortly after returning from a bath. Family members said he felt dizzy before fainting, prompting them to rush him to the a nearby hospital.

During the post-mortem, doctors were initially unsure of the cause of death. However, an incision near Yadav's throat revealed a live chick lodged inside, measuring around 20 cm in length.

Dr Santu Bag, who conducted the autopsy, explained that the chick had obstructed both the airway and food passage, likely causing asphyxiation. "This is the first time I have encountered such a case in my career," an indiatoday.in report quoted Dr Bag, who has performed over 15,000 post-mortems.

The unusual circumstances surrounding Yadav's death led villagers to suspect that it was linked to occult practices. According to some local residents, Yadav was in contact with a 'tantrik' (occultist) and had been struggling with infertility. Villagers believe that he may have swallowed the chick as part of a ritual to fulfill his desire to become a father.

Neil Crossley was so preoccupied with nerves about his speech at his daughter's wedding that he forgot something crucial when he walked down the aisle - his daughter.

"I was thinking, nothing can go wrong with this part," the 60-year-old from Barnsley told BBC Radio Sheffield back in November.

From a compilation of silly and gentle mini news stories

Tough times for former edutainment star Zoboomafoo as he's found on the run—in Florida, of course

When teachers at a primary school in Hampshire invited the local vicar to give a talk about the birth of Jesus, they did not expect it to end with irate parents, sobbing children and a “ruined” Christmas.

Parents have complained after the Rev Dr Paul Chamberlain took the opportunity to speak about other elements of Christmas to a group of ten and eleven-year-olds.

Pupils at Lee-on-the-Solent Junior School began to sob as he told them that Father Christmas was not real, and added that their parents bought their presents and ate the biscuits left out for Santa.

Teachers at the school have now resorted to making badges for the children saying “Lee-on-the-Solent believe” to bring back the festive magic. A complaint has been lodged against Chamberlain and the vicar was expected not to be taking part in a carol service on Friday.

Archive

How did you find out he wasn't really? Hopefully not from this post!

Magic!

A 22-year-old man named Liu Chuanyi spent three grueling days at the bottom of a 12-meter-deep well in a remote forest near the Thailand-Myanmar border.

Villagers who heard his cries for help reportedly mistook them for ghostly wails and avoided the area out of fear.

As reported by the OC news outlet, authorities believe Liu was trekking through the forest when he fell into the abandoned well, sustaining severe injuries, including a fractured wrist and a concussion.

Alone and unable to climb out, he began shouting for help.

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Tragically, nearby villagers who heard the strange cries were convinced they were the work of a ghost and refused to investigate. For three days and nights, Liu survived without food or water.

His luck changed when someone reported the eerie noises to the local police.

Officers investigating the forest found the abandoned well and were stunned to find Liu trapped at the bottom. A 30-minute rescue operation brought him to safety, though he was emaciated and dehydrated.