I let my agoraphobia get the better of me.

My own dumb actions.

I deserved it. We are on speaking terms now years later at least.

I was weak and lonely and easily susceptible to her boyfriend's advances. We were quite young, early teens.

Joke was on all 3 of us... he hadn't figured out yet that he was gay. Neither had she for that matter. They're both infinitely more happy now. And I'm happy for them.

I ordered some supplements for him, $24 in value. We should have meet when he returns from the trip. He just ghosted me instead. We were friends since 1997. I didn't even planned to ask him for money... Yes, he is still alive.

tangential but, when i was teenage-ish i had a friend of a friend that was always kind of standoffish with me. i’m a people pleaser so i was always looking for some way to connect with this guy, but i reckon that was coming across in a weird/bad way.

anyway at one point i found out we had the same birthday, year and everything! i thought it was pretty neat, but he thought i was lying. i got really insistent because from my perspective i had no reason to lie about something so mundane, and ig that rubbed him the wrong way because iirc he never spoke to me again.

I relfected my own insecurities about my sexuality onto my partner, sadly i didnt realised that they where nonbinary :(

It certainly wasnt the final nail in the coffin but something i still feel guilty about.

neglect

Overdose

She stole from me.

I just stopped talking to them or responding well to their efforts. It's a trend. I really couldn't even tell you why with any absolute certainty, aside from the following thought that's come up when trying to figure it out.

If you grow up in a situation where your parents move every couple of years for work, IMO you're going to develop in one of two ways:
-you're going to get really good at making new friends, real fast, and keeping in touch with people over time
-you'll reach a point where you stop putting any effort into connecting with new people or keeping in touch with old friends, because what's the point? You'll be gone soon anyway.

And if you're in the latter camp, unless you put real effort into fixing it, that shit can stick with you long after the situation creating that condition is over.

I've made some progress, I suppose, in trying to at least be a friendly guy on the street open to chance encounters that theoretically could turn into a more robust friendship, but I've got a ways to go to get where I'd like to be re: that.

The Iraq War

We started a business together and after landing our first client together (not one we brought in as a pre existing relationship) we went out drinking to celebrate. We both drank the same stuff, same amounts (and I've had far more before), yet I was more fucked than ever, to the point I'm convinced the dude drugged me. I have 0 memory of leaving the bar, going 5 blocks away after calling our ride, gashing my head open (twice), or how I was "so limp I could barely stand let alone walk" none of which sounds like me when I'm drunk at ALL

He also spent that whole time shit talking me to my wife, something he's previously done to other "friends" he felt were leaving him for significant others

Best friend of 6-8 years, I went back to work (I had been receiving VA disability) to get my money right to buy a house. He cut me out and everyone followed his will and did the same, because I couldn't hang out EVERY day. Never mind I was trying to buy a house so wed have somewhere to hang out and party that wasnt checks notes his in-laws house.

Considering that the last person I knew online was a "friend" (something I'm really not sure, because I guess I'm not even sure what friendship is?), the person accused me of using AI to talk to her, because I often seem cold and emotionless (even though I'm just numb due to events that has been happening throughout my entire existence, and I guess that's different from not being able to feel emotions).

Speaking of offline people, the last person I knew (also not sure whether it was friendship or not) betrayed my trust, they did a thing behind my back, a thing that I became aware of, but the same person continued to hide it from me and insisted of referring to me as "friend".

Well, maybe I never had friends at all, and I guess I won't as I'm now in my 30s. It's okay, as I often mentally repeat to myself, every coffin can only hold a single body anyways (apologies for this memento mori).

An old friend moved across the country to where I’d been living for a few years. About two months later he lost his job due to skipping a shift to go party (small town → big city move).

He then neglected to find another job so when I tried talking to him about it, he got angry then disappeared and drove back to our home state that night.

He died of a heroin overdose.