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this post was submitted on 05 Sep 2023
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No Stupid Questions
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No such thing. Ask away!
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Depends a lot on context.
I'm also a "self made social skills person", although I can't claim the same background or difficulty level as yours. But I am clearly a weirdo who can't grasp half the unspoken social conventions, they require a lot of analysis on my part, so I get you.
"People pleaser" isn't always a bad thing. You can tell by who is saying it and how, if they are making it sound like a selling point then it is. It can mean it's someone helpful and charismatic.
If it's used negatively it means a human doormat or bootlicker although without the loyalty to a person/group you'd expect from a bootlicker. Unlike the doormat, which is passive, the people pleaser will actively go out of their way to give you what you want. This is the person that wants to bring you a cup of coffee you never asked for, the person who will never disagree with anyone, the first one to raise their hand when there are errands to get through, etc.
Since they are willing to set aside their own wants to do what others want, they can be seen as lacking personal ambition and independence, or as someone who can't be trusted since they are easily swayed.