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Marriage
(lemmy.ml)
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this post was submitted on 04 Oct 2023
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marriage is an institution to protect kids, to make sure they get the best possible upbringing. people who think it's all about their own personal happiness are just nacissists
Do you mean abuse and indoctrination in the name of "saving my soul" and instilling "traditional values" in me by parents who hate each other but stuck together "for my sake" (while subconsciously taking it out on me)? Because that's what I got. Thanks, much appreciated...
The abuse taught me why religion needs to be destroyed, as well as to never trust the ones who are supposed to love me. It taught me to fight for myself, and never trust, never assume, never give in. It taught me to give up any hope in humanity or god, and accept will as the only force that matters.
It also gave me severe anxiety, depression, a suicide attempt, and taught me how to hate myself. So thanks for the trauma.
But "marriage must never be broken. It's sacred, for the good of the kids..."
No marriage is better than a bad marriage.
When the parents' relationship is happy, healthy, and supportive it's fantastic for the kids. My parents' relationship is like that. They've had their bumps and issues, but for the most part they are great together. It was a great environment to grow up in.
But if the parents are unhappy or have a toxic relationship it is so damaging to both the parents and the kids. In a situation like that everyone involved, including the kids, is better off with divorce. My sister was in a bad marriage. It was so damaging to her kids. The divorce process was messy and hurtful, but once the dust settled the kids thrived much better than they did when their parents were still married. Never stay in a marriage for the kids.
Two people trapped in an unhappy marriage will absolutely not give the best possible upbringing to a child.
Right, but you want children to learn that they stick to their duties. Not the best for the child but the best for society and if it is a good society, the best for the child.
People are only trapped if they cannot change. What's the bigger trap, that you have to find people who suit you or that you can find common ground with everybody?
No, kids should be taught that things aren't set in stone
We shouldn't follow duties if they're not working out for anybody. We shouldn't keep doing things as we always have when that doesn't work anymore, or one can go about it in a better way. One should embrace change, and not be scared of it.
In addition, people can change for the worse (or reveal their true nature), and not want to get better. My parents aren't good people, and I refuse to follow any "but it's your duty and they are your parents!!" that society and others try to press onto me. And neither will I bother with following society's standard for marriage and monogamy, and instead do what is best for me in my life.
I agree. I just think that marriage can also be an opportunity to change for the better, most of the times when both are ready for change.
Marriage was for political means first and foremost. Then it was romanticized.
If you need mariage for an opportunity to change for the better, then you shouldn't be the person to get married in the first place.
Ergo, single parents are always worse for kids than two married parents? Or is your view more nuanced than your stated?
Marriage as an institution was created to share and gain wealth. It has fuck all to do with children's well-being.
Marriage is the union of two narcissists, yes. (I believe Robert Heinlein said that, but I can't seem to find a direct reference)