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this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2023
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Asklemmy
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I want to talk to them! I am afraid of ruining their day by being an unwanted intruder.
I won't get consent in person, I'll just never talk to anyone and die alone. ๐
How is creepily adding some stranger through an app any different lol. Like I said, having a random unknown person add you without seeing what they're like is weird and already says a lot about the person that they're probably creepy if they don't want to talk to you in person instead. That's something you kind of have to learn in life. Technology is not a replacement for that. Sorry to be blunt but you literally will die alone if you don't learn to do this.
What's creepy about it? They chose to leave their phone profile open for strangers, which means they have flagged themselves for introduction. Just a little becon that basically says "Hey! I'm here and available! This is who I am and what you can expect. Don't be afraid ๐ "
If everyone who was open to friendly conversation with strangers had a way to signal to me that I won't ruin their day by talking to them it would really help my anxiety.
It's not a matter of learning. It's a matter of mental illness. It is a fact that some people do not want to be bothered, and I'd basically rather kill myself than bother them and there's no way to fucking know without bothering them first. I take medicine for it but it's not magic - a tool to help my mental disability would be genuinely helpful.
That's uhhh, you should definitely see a therapist. It's not a fact. You need to adapt to the world, not have the world adapt to you, sorry to say it. It is very alarming to read that lol.
There is nothing wrong with using technology to cope with living with disability.
Do you think I've never seen a therapist? You can't therapy away every mental illness, you learn to cope with it. It is a fact that some people do not want to talk to me. You can not deny this! There are people who would rather not be bothered than have me intrude into their life and try to be their friend, some of them would even hate it. Unarguable. Or do you expect me to believe that everyone on Earth wants to be my friend? ๐
I and my therapist agree the only nontech solution is to accept that, sometimes, you're going to annoy people by intruding on their day without invitation. That's what everyone else does because that's how you make friends. You can't always wait for someone else to make the first move, sometimes you have to take initiative or you die alone because you never reach out in the first place. I understand this is an irrational and neurotic brainworm that is ruining my life.
I'd also rather die than do that, so yeah, a technological solution is preferable.
I mean this is moving away from the point of the technology talk, but the words you're using says a lot. Words like intruding, without invitation, annoying people, deciding that people don't want to talk to you for them. It's like you view social interaction as putting an undue burden on to people. It's like you're deciding you're unlikeable for them. Thinking stuff like that affects your body language, your words, how you say things. On top of your appearance and all that too. You got to work on your internal battles first and realize you're not being a burden talking to someone. Did you think that when replying to me, or care what I think about you? Hopefully not. Channel that same energy irl. The difference is, rejection irl definitely hurts more then being called cringe thru online text
You're basically right, and all I'm saying is that a technological solution like: my phone buzzes and tells me "the person over there is open to meeting new people and isn't busy at the moment" would be rad as hell. Just a little reassurance that I'm not an intruder so I don't get caught in my own head and trip over my own neurosis.
Also, online is totally different from IRL. We're all just lines of text on a screen here; NPCs in the posting RPG. Even better, by responding you've already proven that you're open to responses.
... although I just realized we can't disable inbox replies and now I'm freaking out! ๐
I am like you, also wanting a signal before interacting.
I think for me, a big reason is because I'm autistic and I won't be able to perceive any 'cues' from other people, so I default to assuming they don't want to talk unless they're extremely explicit about the opposite.
But I think a lot of people also look for a signal, they're just better able to read it from body language and whatnot?
I'm actually overly sensitive to perceiving cues from other people, so I get constant false signals all the time and it stresses me the hell out! I try so very hard not to assume what other people are thinking, but I am so so so sensitive to even the slightest signs that I blow things way out of proportion.
Like, a typical person talks to a stranger and see's "oh they're busy, I'll talk to them later"
I talk to a stranger and see "oh they hate me I guess I'll go die lol"
And it doesn't matter that I know it isn't real! I'll just spend the rest of the day beating myself up for bothering them, even as I run around in circles in my own head arguing with myself that I'm being ridiculous. Ugh. Just thinking about this has me stressed lol