Fuck it.

Maybe let kids watch porn.

That's your worst-case scenario, right? Minors with ready access to vanilla photographs of naked people, on above-board commercial websites? So what. Tell me this abusive horseshit is the only way to stop that and I'll still reject this abusive horseshit.

The pearl-clutching horrors imagined by conservative dullards are a mundane experience for millions of people, and relatively few of them become dog-fuckers or axe-murderers. Almost like a healthy libido is normal and 18 isn't the day you take the shrink-wrap off your genitals.

Teenagers masturbating is a non-event. It's as unremarkable and unpreventable as atomic decay. It will happen. Do you want it to happen to whatever quasi-erotica passes through the filter? Bugs Bunny in drag, beach volleyball, that one episode of their favorite show where everybody shrinks? Shoddy AOL filters probably made more furries than Disney ever did. AI's gonna twist kids right up. Tell me with a straight face that's better than real photos of fake tits.

By all means, keep actual smut off broadcast TV. Expect websites to put the weird stuff behind warnings. Don't sell porn to minors. But if your website doesn't take a credit card to visit, hey guess what, anyone can see it, and anyone will. Oh well. People who think that's the end of the world are lunatics who mean it literally.