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this post was submitted on 06 Feb 2024
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She wasn’t the one having the affair. He was.
But of course it falls upon women to ensure a husband’s fidelity, because we men are all slobbering troglodytes without a will of our own, only an incessant craving for cunt. Or something.
I thought some of my slobber was addling my brain - you had me check Wikipedia:
Perhaps you use a more limited definition. Anybody else agree with VZQ? (Only talking semantics.)
The way I use the word, the entire relationship is the affair, but only the cheater is having an affair.
YMMV of course.
I bet you use “the cheatin’ spoon” distinction too. /s
The person who committed to a monogamous relationship is at fault - not the unattached person. When you enter into a monogamous relationship you agree to a contract with your partner even though you know you'll, at times, be tempted to violate it. Cheaters are fucking assholes but "home wreckers" aren't seducing their partner to do anything they wouldn't do anyway. Don't be a jerk and purposefully try to pursue someone in a monogamous relationship... but if it happens it's the person violating their relationship rules that should carry the vast majority of the blame.
Just as a historical aside "the other woman" was often considered at fault because... you guessed it misogyny! The husband couldn't be at fault it was a temptress that lured him to do wrong. We're moving beyond this impression as a society but you'll still see it occasionally.
And, if you think monogamy won't work for you then be up front about wanting an open relationship... this isn't the 1800s, it's perfectly acceptable to have a non-monogamous relationship... just respect your fucking partner(s).
Not too bad to extend that to “respect people” eh? Fellow sufferers of the human condition.
We’re all adults, we all know hurt - I’d feel guilty if I were involved with a cheater, and I think that’s a good thing for humanity.
Glad we’re leaving that temptress narrative behind for sure.
Oh, definitely, respect everyone... but if you enter into a monogamous relationship then especially respect your partner. And the unattached person should feel guilty if they knowingly let themselves be used to violate a relationship... but they remain the less guilty party.
We should move away from it but we should be aware that it's ingrained in our genetics and emotional responses. A man sleeping with married women is a reproductive strategy that paid of many times - reproduction without material cost. A women in a materially stable marriage that is sleeping with a beautiful or strong man is improving her genetic lineage too. And the balance of power for sexual selection is somewhat wonky.
I'm not advocating any naturalist bullshit but we inherit some icky garbage from our evolution and evolved some social behaviors to deal with them (e.g. stoning adulterers). Some behavioral patterns and emotional responses won't go away easily and can't be easily negated using purely intellectual arguments.
My point is that it's at least ok to find Karolina Shiino less popular after knowing she had an affair. Especially for something as superficial and primitive as a beauty contest.
Yeah, that's a discussion you won't win.
I've tried everything from "she's not the one who promised loyalty" to the fact they were two consenting adults so mind your own business.
Blame the cheater, not the person who they cheated with, I fully agree - but I think lemmy and reddit have been cheated on a few too many times.
In Japan, you can be on the hook (sued) for knowingly engaging in a relationship with someone you know to be married. It's usually about breaking up the marriage, from what I understand. Sex of the people involved doesn't matter here.
Oh wow, you are right! They have civil liability for adultery. That’s wild.
An affair still involves two people (or more!) even if only one is married
Yes. What is your point?
She was in an affair
No, she got some dick.
The extra marital affair was him.
And?
You said she wasn’t, but she was.
I did not. I said she was not having an affair.
She was in an affair, but it’s was the dude having it.
Hmmmm… does it work like that?
Yeah I suppose so. Stupid English.
Politics are always ugly. We should get rid of them altogether.
This is a giant non sequitur.
We should get rid of that as well then.
We should also get rid of this guy - they want to get rid of a lot of shit and that's disruptive.
Yes, get rid of everything. For peace of mind.
Reject universe, go back to pre-bang non-existence.
Ah, if it weren't but a dream...