I could use some honest advice from experienced programmers and engineers.
I'm almost at the two year mark as a developer. On paper I might look like a passable Junior Dev, but if you sat me down and asked me about algorithms or anything else I did to get my job in the first place I would be clueless. I can solve problems and always get my work done, but I don't even know the language/framework I use daily well enough to explain what's going on, I can just do things. I don't think I have imposter syndrome, I think I really might have let any skill I had atrophy.
I used to enjoy programming as a hobby in my spare time, but in two years I've opened the IDE on my personal machine no more than twice. People talk about all the side projects they have, but I have none. I feel too stressed out from the job to do any programming outside of work, even though I love it. I feel like I can't level up from a Junior to Senior because I either don't have the headspace or the will to do so. It doesn't help that the job I've had has taught me very little and my dev team has been a shitshow from the beginning.
At the moment I have an offer on the table to do a job that isn't engineering (but still tech) and it surprisingly pays more. Part of me thinks I should take that job, rediscover my passion in my spare time and build my skills, but I fear I might go down this route and never be able to come back to engineering. Not that I'm sure I want to.
It might sound defeatist but I don't think I'll ever be a top 5% or even 25% engineer. I could be average with a lot of work, but not great. I could potentially be great in the new field I'm being recruited for, but that's also hard to say without being in the job.
I know that some people just aren't cut out for being engineers. Maybe I have the aptitude but not the mentality to do this for 30+ years. I want to know if that's what it sounds like to people who've seen that before. If you were in my position, would you walk away and just be a hobbyist programmer or stick it out and hope to be a mediocre engineer one day?
As someone who switched from another domain to tech, I suggest trying to reason through your hesitation to switch away. Do you want to stay in tech because you like tech or because you're afraid of "giving up"?
In my other domain, I worked hard and did OK, but not stellar. In tech however, it's a completely different story. The other domain was "cool", and I don't regret what I learned along the way, but tech clearly comes easier to me compared to someone doing well in the other domain.
You need to be honest with yourself before you make the decision to switch. Are you running away from tech or towards something else?
I think there's some truth to being afraid to give up. But I can't see myself in any other industry, and I am proud of my work whenever I see it in production/being used irl. So that makes me think I'd always enjoy being involved with building stuff in some way.
In response to your last question, it might be both. I think my current job is a push factor, and the new field is a pull factor. As other commenters have rightly pointed out, I'm not enjoying my job. I don't know if that means it's wrong to recognise the signs that I might not be as motivated as I should be, though.