Also replying to that bit:

and job search is impossible as a person with anxiety and possibly autism?

Don't give up, job hunting is super fucked up right now with the market flooded with good engineers freshly laid off FAANG and other big companies.

Autism sucks hard at times, but I don't think I would be where I am without. Use it to your advantage, your abstract computer knowledge can grow much further than most people can possibly care to get into.