fwiw you've conveyed the same general question i have about the situation, albeit far more eloquently than i would have been able to

i am totally down to stop using words that disabled people find offensive, but i need alternatives to express that someone is being needlessly / purposely ignorant or otherwise harmful and is generally worthy of scorn and contempt

which isn't to say that providing that is the onus on disabled people (it's really not, their only real obligation is to express their experiences)... but it does make it a lot easier to action on the request

it's also kind of interesting to approach this conversation both as an outsider, but also as someone who these words do apply to in some capacity