oh i'm painfully aware of how much it sucks to be in the green, friend :| i am not a fan, so often i wish i was just fucking stupid. Grass greener, haha, on the other side and all, but fuck man, those people look so happy, or at least not outwardly miserable. I wish i could feel the same level of joy as a himbo/bimbo "discovering" that an essential oil or perhaps a pretty rock can cure them of everything and curse their enemies at the same time!

The drug thing is a "green" thing huh? lmao good to know. It is funny how drunk/high/tripping me is roughly the same as a sober average person, bit less agile physically of course but about as fast at thinking, kind of baffling how, unless i'm absolutely smashed, people don't even realise that i'm under the influence of something

and yeah, living in this self destructive and hateful world is a nightmare. I can see so many ways in which things could get better for everybody, and yet they never do, and shit keeps getting worse. Cruelty seems to be the point. I could go on for a hot while about the state of the world and how being "diagnosed as smart" (how i call it) fucking sucks on so many levels, but i'd rather not make my day any worse, my mental health has been making sweet love to the bottom of the mariana trench lately, it seems.

Though the worst thing about being diagnosed as smart is either 1) congratulations! your fast brain can think of 20 things to be anxious about in 5s flat at any time of day! no you can't control it fuck you or 2) the frustration you feel when something doesn't make sense, in such a way that the only explanation seems to be that whoever was making the decisions was either plain dumb or intentionally an asshole, which isn't a satisfying explanation at all