Be single. Problem solved.

I've thought about that a lot. I don't know whether to try to type up a manual of how everything works or just leave instructions on how to revert to a more basic setup. Either way I think my family would struggle.

I’ve thought about it, and nobody will care about your/my elaborate setup after we are gone. It will just be replaced by a ISP router without regrets.

My opinion is that your spouse will have to get rid of any other hobby related stuff. If you're a fisherman, she's going to have to find something to do with all the tackle, boat/s, gear.

I know a guy that was a woodworker who had a shop full of well over $20k worth of tools. Poor guy got cancer and died, and his wife had to try to get rid of all of it. Luckily she had some of his woodworking friends who helped her price and sell the stuff. (I got a pretty nice used planer out of the deal)

I have Bitwarden set to give my wife access if she requests it and I don't respond in X days

Things generally "just work" so she would have access to everything, and she can figure out what she wants to do. All the passwords are there and all of the configs are fairly easy for stuff she cares about anyway

Also thought about that a lot. The most important is that your people can access your data. My partner and bestie both have LUKS keys on all of my devices.

Maybe do a test run with them to see if they can actually access it.