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I'm a trans man. I didn't realize how broken men are
(newsweek.com)
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this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2023
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Men's Liberation
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Am I only the only one who thinks comes off like "men arent like women, and therefore broken"?
Not having to spend an hour discussing my feelings is actually one of the things I like about my friendships. I don't want long deep hugs, they make me uncomfortable. And I definitely don't want someone opening up to me about their life struggles. That's not the kind of friendship I like or want.
I guess that makes me broken!
And it's all perfectly fine to not want that.
The issue is there is a heavy expectation for all men to be like that. Many of us, me included, are not at all, and are often ridiculed for it.
I wouldn't call you broken, just as I wouldn't call an asexual broken. I do think there are men out there who wish they could be more vulnerable though, and if the current culture stops or hinders that I think they deserve to say something too.
I tried therapy to figure out how to express emotions and the male therapist said I was fine and keep going the way I am. I can’t cry and can’t really name my emotions or have awareness of what they even are. It’s so ingrained that this is the way we are supposed to be that even the professionals aren’t always aware.
That's a bad therapist. Definitely try another, and another two or three.
Even a good therapist may not be good for you.
Find a new therapist. Part of what makes dealing with mental health issues so hard is that you sometimes really need to shop around for a therapist, which can be especially hard when you're dealing with what you need help with 🫤
@AttackPanda @PaupersSerenade
I understand what you mean. I highly recommend the book "Language of Emotions" as an aide in identifying and respecting one's emotions.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8048177-the-language-of-emotions
And of course, talking out loud about your emotions with people you trust.
Not quite. To me, it’s more like “men don’t even have the option of building relationships like women do, and that’s not healthy. Society is broken.”
But they didn't say that. They flat out said "men are broken".
You seem to have stopped reading once you got through the headline and missed the entire article written afterwards.
Surely you have something more constructive to say than a sneering quip?
Sure: Read the article and reassess what you think it's about. I for sure didnt walk away with the same impression you did, but I could see why I would if I read the headline and headed straight to the comments section.
At least read the article before you criticize it, because it's nothing like what you seem to think it is.
I did read it and it's riddled with shit I would never, ever want, and yet he presents it like it's a bad thing. Here's a choice example:
I can't imagine ever wanting to help with a strangers child. Not because I might be treated like a creep, but because it's just none of my business. I would even go so far as to say that assuming they need help is problematic in itself. But he doesn't address that; no, apparently men don't help because we've been broken by society.
I was talking about the overall tone of the article. It didn’t feel like an attack or judgement.
We'll just have to agree to disagree on that.
I mean it does because those things only make you uncomfortable because you've been conditioned your entire life to feel that way just because you're a man.
Those things are basic human companionship.
So not only am I somehow fundamentallly broken, I've also been duped by society and I'm too stupid to even realize it?
You couldn't be any more insulting if you tried.
Eh, I think it is more the fact that men aren't willing to open up about shit when it is bothering them and they want to share. I don't want to have a 30 minute share session at the start of all conversations, but it should be normalized that when a close friend asks how you are that you can say "Honestly not good because of X, Y, and Z and this is how I feel" without being made to feel like a freak.
yup, you're, me too. and we're wrong for it.. lmao
As a human I have to say if you don't recognise the negative issues you suffer because of our long history of social problems and messy biology then you're absolutely delusional - men and women.
100% mate.
All my best friendships have been 99% ripping into each other and telling funny stories. Like I don't tell shitty stories about work because I lived it once and I don't want to live it again. No one else does either. Unless it's to vent about someone because I'm angry. But I do tell funny stories about work.
Having said that even in the most masculine environments when anyone has had an issue or been pushed too fair the guys always rally and pick them back up.
Day to day shit is your own problem. The once in a month or few months is our problem and I'm here for you.
You boss was mean to you. You want to bounce other careers around or see if I can find someone to hire you? No, well grow up everyone's boss is shit. Either leave or deal with it.
Your misses just cheated on you. Right come on I'll get the guys and we'll go to the pub, she's a cunt you're better off without her.
Also hand shakes are fucking great. I usually go for a shake and a quick hug. But the handshake is better.
@Wanderer @Rodeo
"Day to day shit is your own problem"
Yeah I find your attitude toxic.
Then we'll all be happier if you dump your emotions on someone else.
I find complaining to be toxic. Which is why this thread sucks so much. We're all just whining about each other.
@Rodeo interestingly, I'm learning a lot from this interaction. Like about how men normalize day to day misery and disconnection. So I'm very glad that this thread exists; thank you for being honest.
Hey at least you didn't try to call me broken.
I find it toxic when people go on and on about minor problems that are in no way relevant to the people in the conversation and there is no way they can help.
All it is doing is bringing unneeded negativity into an environment. That's toxic.
You want help? Yine I can help how? You want to ruin my free time when I'm trying to de-stress by going on about people and things that have nothing to do with me and I can't help? Go away.
@Wanderer thanks for sharing your thoughts.