I think you’re close to understanding WHY then the trans community is such a stickler about pronouns

Let me give you an example that may further close the understanding loop for you.

I moved from US to Scandinavia. This place, despite being always described as heaven for the queer community … is, on the surface, entirely devoid of them. You hardly ever notice. There is hardly ever any discussion, politics, or fuss. You struggle to spot queer couples on the street. There just isn’t a loud community shouting about queer and trans issues on the street. When you spot queer or trans folks they are just people doing their daily life.

Why? Because they are not under attack. When a community is being attacked it becomes tighter, builds rituals and ways of living that identifies members of the group. It becomes louder and with a uniform voice on the political scene. Because the coordination and loudness is necessary for their political goals- of not being attacked.

(I guess groups not on the defensive but on the offensive would do the same. I guess you have to look at the goals to understand which is which.)

But here’s my point - in conditions where the trans community is treated with respect, they again become free to NOT make their life about bathrooms and pronouns.

And thus - I argue pronouns are such a hot topic because trans folks are being deliberately misgendred as an attack by their political opponents.