Anybody know a good screen recording program for Linux that doesn't alert Zoom to the recording?

The Zoom client alerts all parties. You could use another screen recorder, but this is a two-party recording state, straight illegal to record someone without their consent.

I have a birthmark that reads 'VAGINA' on my face.
Some people treat me differently from the moment I meet them.
I say, "I think that those people are reacting to my birthmark."

You ask: "Why assume they react to your VAGINA birthmark in particular?"

1. The VAGINA birthmark is visible.
2. People have made fun of me for having it before.
3. I can see facial expressions when people perceive it, and notice features of judgemental reaction in their speech and behaviour after.

Now, apply this to OP's wife. OP says this about her:

If I hadn't seen the blatant discrimination she's faced job hunting, I'd be more skeptical. She's Filipino, but that's "Mexican" to many. When I say blatant, I mean to say heads would roll if we had some of this on camera. She's mostly unhurt by these things, just figures that's the way of the world. But damn. One lady asked if she was Asian and was visibly appalled. Another said she would have to attend their church, and barely stopped short of asking her to renounce Catholicism. There's much more I'm not remembering ATM.

I'm heavily autistic. I've figured this all out logically, as a person who has experience discrimination myself. It wasn't easy, because I don't grasp social cues natively. I thought I'd been doing something wrong for a long long time when people initially appraised me as 'other', but it turned out they were just being judgemental assholes. If you're not heavily autistic, I believe it should be easier for you to figure all this out, right?