Last night I had a mild panic attack for no reason. I think it might have been induced by a mixture of beer and sugar, a combination I don't do very often.

I've just come out of a long term relationship with someone I thought I would have kids with. She was the best thing that ever happened to me, but somehow that wasn't enough for me and I wanted out. I still have no idea if I did the right thing, but at least we left as friends who care deeply for each other. The separation was slow and excrutiating but I think we're both on the road to healing.

I used to think that if two people love each other, that was enough, but I've come to realize than I wanted more than just love, I wanted to feel less lonely in my head, and a severe language barrier was preventing that from happening. With time, we might have gotten there, but with time, I also may have grown to resent her, and so that's why I ended it. I banked on my pessimism instead of my optimism.

Time heals all, and I guess we've just got to tread water until that time comes. Sorry for the word vomit above, your post apparently struck a chord with me