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this post was submitted on 18 Oct 2024
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Asklemmy
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A bunch.
Two while snowboarding. First time I hit some rocks that were hidden in fresh snow. When I checked my helmet, a rock had pierced it in the back of my head. It was easily a fatal hit had I not had my helmet on. The second time I accidentally rode off a cliff (took the wrong line). I landed on my back in powder but a snapped branch was sticking up two inches below my left arm pit. Had I fallen four inches to the left, it would have impaled me through the heart.
I lost count how many while surfing. Lost a surfer I was trying to rescue and almost drowned myself.
Oddly, never while downhill skateboard racing.
Twice while riding a motorcycle.
Once in a car. A pickup hydroplaned on the interstate right ahead of me. It went in the ditch, overcorrected and came right at my door at speed. I turned my wheel into it so it wouldn't t-bone me but instead I missed it entirely and all I got was mud on my car and in my underware.
Blockage in three of my four main heart arteries. Two were 99% blocked. It required four emergency stents in my heart. I should be dead for sure from that one but a little voice in my head told me to skip the boat trip and go to the ER because I felt "funny".
Stage 3 cancer. Beat it but lost my singing voice. Fuck cancer.
Damn someone has been dancing with the devil.
When they say "live life to the fullest" they never mention that doing so will absolutely put you at greater risk of an untimely death. Worth it though.
Lol, god damn, dude has 9 lives
Not anymore he hasn't
I count 8 lives used. Next hole punch gets a free death.