I mean something every parent needs to learn is that your kid will always be more exposed to danger than you would like.

Like we were very cautious with how he slept the first year since that's how most infants die because they can't roll on their backs and have trouble lifting their abnormally sized heads. Then while I had duty one night sleeping next to him I wake up and see him lying on his belly. His face was turned to the side, so he had no trouble breathing but that's a big yikes so I turn him back around. When I wake up in the morning I see his sleeping bag got bunched up in a weird way and in the dark and sleep haze I misread the situation and turned him from his back on his belly!! I would not have noticed if he had turned his face into the mattress and died until the next morning.

Kids can die so easy. Food that's slightly off but you don't notice it, unknown allergy, choking hazards, unsecured furniture, stumbling and falling on their head etc. It's impossible to think of everything. At some point I just had to face the fact that he could just randomly die unless I lock him in place and feed him mush.

So instead I let him climb the big slide by himself, give him some apple, let him help putting glassware away knowing he could die or severely be injured if he made a slight mistake but having to trust him and support him if he wants to try something new (within reason of course).

And so to me this is a lot like this. He could die, he could get severely injured/traumatized, he could get be irretrievably suckered into the propaganda around us. Those I just don't have control over and I need to trust him and hope for the best. He is a very bright kid, and I am trying to synthesize what primed me for radicalisation so I hope that I can pass that along. But in the end there I have next to no control of the future.

But I do wonder sometimes how my life would have turned out if I had been radicalised before marrying, or before becoming a dad. Because I am scared of what is to come when the beast dies. This country is such a grateful assistant to the hegemons crimes, if it asks for my son they will grab him and make him march. Ukraine should be a warning to everyone here in europe. If I had no other obligation I would probably be learning chinese right now. That's the reason why I'm looking to get the hell out of here, the other dangers probably exist everywhere in the world, some more, some less. But I can feel the vibe shifting among "my fellow" working-class whites. Or maybe I have become more alert to it, either way I know the beast is still there and there is so much effort being put into feeding it and hiding it.