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Such thing as a BIFL floor pump?
(lemmy.ca)
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The Terra is their MTB pump.
Maybe that's why it's the one that seems to fit my requirements the most... except that they told me that the Terra isn't designed to be serviceable, which I'm not thrilled to hear.
It does have a lifetime warranty, so you'd be covered either way, but still. That just bugs me.
I may still consider it, though. Considering the brand, and their history, my concerns about it failing and having to replace it aren't that bad.