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this post was submitted on 22 Dec 2024
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But then you are making this about yourself. Stealing the show. Reaping all the sympathy.
It all depends on how you say it. Some people just genuinely do need to know someone understands them at face value. Adding your own experiences and using that to validate their feelings rather than overshadow them is an invaluable practiced skill. It also allows you to layer advice into how you convey it, sometimes without them even realizing that's what you're doing.
A great way to do this subtly is to ask them questions that help you find VERY close similarities that open the door to a segway into your own experience. Example:
"Oh man, that's horrible. Hitting a roadblock like that sucks so much. Did you have to deal with [related thing] too?"
"YES and it only piled onto my stress. Ughhhhh."
"I know all too well. It's the worst and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm so sorry. If it helps, I could go through what I did. It's not exactly the same, but maybe something that helped me will resonate? But I understand if you'd rather just vent. My ear's always open."
The trick is usually asking if they want to hear it. Then you know for SURE whether or not to proceed, and you've framed it in such a way that is less about you and more about investigating ways the shared experience can inform how they handle the issue themselves, or how the differences can add better insight into their own trouble.
Source: I have severe ADHD that has a side effect of being extremely empathetic due to comorbid RSD. The result being a heightened awareness to how others are feeling, subconsciously taking that onto myself (for better and for worse), and subsequently feeling compelled to do what I can to help resolve it. What I described above is the most graceful way I've found to resolve my own quirks while also benefitting those relying on me for comfort and usually advice through this framing.
You're great at explaining this, thanks for giving these examples
And thank you for the vote of confidence! If this has been able to help even one person put this complex and often emotionally heavy interaction into an understandable framework then I'm happy. ❤️
When is only you and your friend in evening near the grill, then i don't know which sympathy i stole, i mean men truly open up very rarely and often in very small circle or even only to one person, so you have to show some compassion in these moments
So you say the initial cry's a show?