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this post was submitted on 22 Dec 2024
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Funny
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The picture is on my phone.
It is the picture of a bunch of sweaty dudes. They are in a dorm room, in 2002.
In twelve seconds time, I drop the phone to the floor at my feet, a clumsy old fool.
It’s already lying there, twelve seconds into the future.
Ten seconds now.
The phone is in my hand.
I found the picture in my photo archive, twenty-seven minutes ago.
It’s still there, twenty-seven minutes into the past, in a folder, unopened for the last two decades.
I’m still there, looking at it.
The picture is on my phone. Twelve boys have set up two televisions and Xboxes in a 10x12 room. Halo: Combat Evolved is paused.
Seven seconds now.
It’s December, 2024. I’m on the toilet.
It’s July, 2002. I’m in New Jersey, in my dorm room.
Four seconds, three.
I’m tired of sitting on the toilet now.
I stand up.
The phone falls to the floor at my feet.
I am going to take pictures of the stars. They are so far away. And their light takes so long to reach us… All we ever see of stars are their old photohraphs.
The light from the closest star (excluding the Sun) takes about four years to get here. Might be a bit stale but it's not, like, the light of the ancients. It's more like the light of the Jan. 6th insurrection.
You're not wrong.
And full disclosure, I was paraphrasing Dr. Manhattan's monologue from chapter 4 of Watchmen. A kind of tongue-in-cheek homage, if you will
Dr Manhattan needs to take it down a notch. Although I guess he probably can see far off galaxies with the naked eye which would be very ancient light. On the other hand Dr Manhattan exists outside of time, as evidenced by his ability to... Wait, am I remembering this correctly? Was he banging his ex-girlfriend's daughter while getting something out of the fridge in another room at the same time?
Spoilers for a 37 year old comic book
Not just banging his ex-girlfriend's daughter (who was a product of SA btw). Giving her a threesome with two simulacrums while he conducted experiments in a lab down the hall. And then gets confused when she gets mad that he's not giving her 100% of his attention during sex. And then gets a big ol sad when she leaves him for a doughy Batman. And then a bigger sad when he learns he gave all of his old friends cancer (he didn't actually, that was a conspiracy concocted by Adrian Veidt).
So he goes to Mars, because humans are confusing.
Dr Manhattan is essentially a sperg with super powers