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What is a human behaviour you've never understood?
(lemmy.blahaj.zone)
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this post was submitted on 01 Jan 2025
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I can’t understand how getting in an argument with a family member cannot be solved by explaining my side then listening to their side so everyone’s on the same page. I think this is why it’s sometimes said women want someone to listen whereas men want to solve the issue. I cannot understand not trying to solve the issue. If I think I was right or logical then I want to explain it but I also want to hear the other party and arrive at a middle ground then hug. That never works and I cannot get it.
In some of those situations, you can "solve" what you think is the problem, but it's impossible for her to explain the aspects that make your "solution" inadequate. Your life experience is just so different, you think you understand but you don't. And that just upsets her more. Women aren't against solutions, they're just done with men not actually understanding, even when they think they're listening.
Thanks for your reply. What is the solution then beyond listening and trying to solve the issue? If I cannot experience what they experience, what can be done?
It starts with acknowledging to them that you're beginning to realize that your view of reality is different, shaped by your experience, and you can't viscerally understand theirs, but you want to try. That the burden of explanation shouldn't be on them, but you appreciate when they are willing to do so. This part should initially be done when you're not in the middle of arguing/discussing. But in your own mind you should return to it when you are, and ask yourself, and then her, "what am I missing or misunderstanding, what context am I not seeing to help me better hear what she's saying?"
And if she gives up, doesn't want your solution, realize that your empathy may be all the solution she's looking for from you. Especially if it's something external, like a problem with her boss. You telling her what you think she should do about it would just add pressure on her, and probably wouldn't fit with all the nuances of their dynamic. (Just an example) Instead, reminding her you have faith in her strength and intelligence will help her respond in ways that feel right to her, even if it's not how you would have handled it.