660
Imagine being this much of a loser
(sh.itjust.works)
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 04 Jan 2025
660 points (99.3% liked)
LinkedinLunatics
3745 readers
11 users here now
A place to post ridiculous posts from linkedIn.com
(Full transparency.. a mod for this sub happens to work there.. but that doesn't influence his moderation or laughter at a lot of posts.)
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
I am even more disappointed by that guy's choice to work only 6 days a week.
I do not believe in sleep or rest.
I firmly believe that CEOs require diapers, not toilet breaks.
I used to shit myself continuously at the office, the stench was unbearable. And yet I went on, staying at my desk, asking people to come in to berate them.
I chose to be estranged by my whole family. My kids hate me. My wife despises me. My father won't talk to me. Even my mother loathes me.
I managed all that by dedicating every second of my life to my job, so that I can die miserably and get a gravestone saying 'lmao the shitman's dead, rest in shit loser'.
Amateur! I haven't stood up in so long my leg muscles have atrophied. Slowly my body has fused with my office chair. I only take 10 min micro naps as my body periodically shuts down, a weakest of my flesh. Never leaving the office, I occupy one entire floor of the building as my productivity lair. This floor has been secretly hidden from everyone else to avoid distractions. I only enter other floors when most employees are gone for the day, usually late at night. I make these excursions to double check my coworkers daily progress or scavenge for food.
Most of my coworkers seem to fear me, perhaps I've become something of myth? They gave me a name, because I heard one scream "the Chairman is real!" as I startled him. He was working late that night as I creeped around his cubicle wall. Since I was famished, I quickly knocked him out with a keyboard and dragged him back to my lair for a quick power lunch.
Someone is thinking about the shareholders!!!