Eldest sib has always financially supported mum the most (he has always been a high earner). But he is also the most emotionally distant and meanest to my mum and doesn't recognise the health impact that has on her (or that his contempt is obvious). His own kids have been spoiled most of their lives and he had a very cruel divorce and now needs to fork out a lot to keep his kids going.

I feel an unspoken expectation to be catching up to their high earning jobs and shouldering the financial burden equally.

I steadfastly refuse however to accept this. It has made me rather upset

1. I chose not to have kids partly because they're so expensive. I hate being guilt tripped into now having to pay up more than I can afford because i chose not to reproduce. The insinuation that my choices are less noble is low-class and narrow -minded.

2. I refuse to be dragged into the unhappy trap of flogging myself to earn more, at the cost of energy to attend to the more fundamental and important things in life like being present for others. It has taken over a decade for me to be ok with not reaching the heights of others and wanting to craft a simpler life that focuses my energies better. I am not about to be conned out of this by those whose lives I never ever want to lead.

3. My mum is no saint and she has had trouble with emotional relationships much of her life due to her own brain quirks and traumas, I don't hold it against my sibs for being cold to her if they feel no love. but it is utterly despicable to me that the eldest then claims the upper ground for financially supporting her as compensation.

4. Mum is happiest being frugal and taking care of her own health, she herself questions the need for this insurance. My sibling comes up with horror stories of how she would end up in a shitty hospital ward without it and how miserable she would be. Meanwhile she is feels lonely and low NOW partly because he's the only one in the same country as her and is totally contemptuous of her, and that's no concern to him.

I refuse to relate to my mother the way he does, and reject the expectation that I should cough up otherwise I'm heartless and selfish... I worked hard to move here and escape the narrative from our home country that life is a miserable slog and money matters above all else in the real world. I won't be pulled down by crabs in the bucket.