I need some relationship advice. I suggested 125% but my wife won't budge from 10%. Is this normal? How did it go when you had this conversation with your romantic partner?
Playing hypothetical games like this are poisonous to a relationship. My advice is to not do that kind of thing anymore.
I had a boyfriend who early on told me if he won the lottery, I would no longer be part of his life.
Then guess what happened? I got a ridiculous family inheritance and he was no longer part of my life.
Shit, if I won the lottery my wife would be the only one who'd be part of my life. Fuck everyone else, we're disappearing into the ether to enjoy fucking around the world.
I think they expose problems more so than create them.
This is surely satire right? Why's everyone taking it so seriously?
You can never be sure on the Internet. Plus, I know there are people who think like this; my mom did something similar to my dad when I was a kid. When they were first dating she told him she didn't want to be tied down, a sentiment that he thought was long over by the time they got married. Much to his surprise, she was angry that he wasn't more accepting when he caught her cheating. Decades later, she still claims that she was entirely justified, and that my dad is an asshole for getting angry at her.
STA
People need to communicate these things. If either myself or my partner wants to be with someone else, it is discussed. It allows everyone to make an informed decision going forward and no one is betrayed. Only time this ever happened with us, we were with the same person
Sorry to hear that bro.
If this tweet is real then I would 100% expect something like this from this guy.
Edit: I mean I think Yudkowsky is being sincere. The lemmy OP is clearly a joke
Someone else commented that this dude often posts stuff like this and it's not satire...
Yikes...
I find the quantification of very emotional topics not very helpfull in the long run:
What counts as "10% better"?
Do you know if the number, should it even exist, stays consistent? Or that you got the "correct one"?
My advice:
Find out what you seek out in a relathionship, what you want to avoid, and then talk about it.
Because "10% better" could just mean the other guy is driving more carefull with the family-car, doesnt chew with an open mouth or shaves more often.
Yeah the idea that somebody has a percentage rating of quality is genuine lunacy. It's also sociopathic to overlook that being fond of someone despite their flaws or "lower rating".
This seems to be the whole point. Neg the other person and make them question their own worth. "Oh, no! I'd better keep them happy. Is THAT GUY 10% better than me!?"
If they chew open mouthed and are not amenable to change that is a straight up deal breaker, sorry not sorry, my misophonia doesn't leave room to compromise on that.
Wow this guru of AI and rationality is a dipshit. Makes me wonder about all those Silicon Valley folk and vc people that take him seriously. 🤔
No kidding. Anyone who thinks the hallmark of a good relationship is being able to determine the point at which they would dump their SO for someone "better" and somehow distill that down to a concrete (yet still highly subjective) number should just avoid relationships altogether. At least until they've consulted a proctologist about removing their head from their own ass.
What a business degree does to a mf
I honestly enjoy seeing people like this with batshit insane but logically consistent views. Makes things much more fun
This guy essentially founded modern "rationalism." He has millions of literal followers, not just the Twitter kind. His dumbass is the one that spawned the Effective Altruism cult that has become extremely popular with tech bros. Sam bankman-fried, Sam Altman, Elon musk all subscribe to this "philosophy." It's all batshit insane and incredibly stupid.
Hold on, he's serious?
Yup. Satire no longer exists, welcome to 2024.
As an autistic dude, I feel like I know that it's weird too say, but I also feel like it makes sense. Like it's hard to quantify x% better, but I'm sure there is a number, for me at least, where if someone is that much better and would date me, I'd do it. It's not romantic to say, but it's true. And I've been dumped for other people twice so the same must have been true for them.
It just feels like one of the thousands of unspoken rules you're not allowed to talk about out of politeness. But honestly I would like to know that number for my SO.
If you're curious about an alternative view, I suggest The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm. Relationships are about growing your own and the others natural abilities, something you do and not about trading something you have. The OP post is a materialistic view and a belief in inequality. YMMV.
Ive no plan to meet second best nor be second best and I wouldn't want to put someone through that nor go through it.
We live in a world of consumption and throw away culture, we should have more respect then to inflict these ideas on living breathing and feeling people.
Fuck that guy and his creed.
"Is this normal?"
No, it is not normal to state what percent-better-person you would leave your romantic partner for. It's cynical and narcissistic.
What if your partner is in an accident that changes how they look or live? Now that they're X% "less" than what you signed on for, you can just dip?
Like I get being upfront about stuff, but this is just transactional. It's not about your commitment to another person, it's about maximizing your return on investment.
You could have answered my question a bit earlier, I broke my nose this morning and now her divorce lawyer has informed me that my neighbor across the street has gone up to 12% better than me.
EDIT: I just went over and broke the guy's kneecaps and am now happily married again.
Can you post some bikini pics of your wife? I think I'm at least 11% better than you.
I also choose this guy's wife.
Now now. Let's form an orderly queue here.
It's a reddit reference sir, but it checks out.
I'm pretty sure the ROI for relationships with people who quantify abstractions is in the negative.
Tell me you're a 44 year old man with a Messiah complex who spends his Friday nights trolling college bars for girls his estranged daughter's age without telling me.
I have had this easy with one simple trick: be naturally worse than literally any other person out there and you'll never need to worry about someone trading up because they won't take you to begin with!
Checkmate logic dude!
Unhealthy fear of committment
I’d like to actually discuss the problems I perceive with Yudkowsky‘s take for a moment, before everyone can go on with telling each other how crap his opinion is.
First, quantifying emotional states is hard, if not impossible at the moment. This could easily lead to misconceptions and misunderstandings, as it is not clear what x% "better" means.
Second, people probably don’t always want to live in constant fear of getting dumped by their partners. I mean, I get it, if you are in a relationship where you would leave your partner for someone else it’s definitely not a bad idea to be clear about that, but I don’t think that is the norm at all in relationships "even" apart from marriage. So his tweet about marriages being an agreement to ignore other options is not wrong itself, but he seems to lack the understanding that many relationships outside of marriage include this social contract as well.
Especially in a monogamous relationship, this view does not seem to make sense to me as it’s just a possibly emotionally hurtful way to tell your partner about your fear of commitment.
Be glad she didn't insist on -10%.
I understand why someone would say this, it’s just acknowledging your own shortcomings in a way and realizing that you can’t be everything that someone might want. But so what? If someone is willing to do this math with you, then they’re not really appreciative of you as a person. Imperfect is fine, insecure is not.
"Legibility" 😆
How has no one else screamed "HE MEANS ELIGIBILITY!" ??
I think he means "legibility" as in being more clear, upfront, honest, open. It's still a weird way to use the word
I fucking hate this guy
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