Yeah, this shower thought is awfully judgy coming from a (presumably hypothetical) killer.

Counter counterpoint: you are the dead body and your best friend is helping to bury you.

"yeah, when I said I'd do anything for you, that was a fucking figure of speech"

For me it'd be fine. For my actually close friends I specifically said I would help them with a body if needed, so they're honouring my wishes by asking

I dunno, asking a friend is the right thing to do. Demanding things is how I ended up with a body in the first place.

A best friend will help you make a body.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Like a baby or a murder?

moving a body doesn't mean they committed murder, seems more like accessory or destruction of evidence.

Ehh, plant a tree sapling over it and nobody will find it. Trees will devour a carcass for it's nutrients.

It really depends on where you bury the body. Once you get out of developed areas, it gets very hard to track things down. Take this example; she was missing for two years, and her body was found in a tent, in a sleeping bag, just two miles off the Appalachian trail, which is one of the busiest hiking trails in the US. If someone was actually buried out there, the odds that they'd ever be found are very, very poor.

Admittedly, carrying a body off trails through fairly dense forests ain't gonna be easy. If you were going to do it, I'd say start by getting an old car with no GPS, get some paper maps, make sure that you leave all of your electronics at home so that there's no electronic trail of where you've been (especially your cell phone!), and only use cash for gas, etc. while you're driving to your body dump site. Assuming that the body isn't recovered for at least a year, you're likely in the clear.