Thank you everyone for you encouragement, kind thoughts, and good vibes!
I 100% was catastrophising - it's much easier than I thought ๐ญ๐
I cannot thank you all enough, I will try to think of a way to pay you all back for every thing you have helped me with!!! ๐๐๐
Fuckin smashed it at work today.
Cheers ๐ป
Good night
Just had a spew due to anxiety. Christ in a cream cheese sauce.
Actually stressed AF about these last two assessments, but it's fine. I have an extension to Monday night, so I can go in to class today and smash them out over the weekend. I have this mighty fear I'm not good enough, that I wasted my money because I'm a terrible person. But I know it's just my depression and fears.
Been trying that technique of "but what if I pass?" instead. But man, those depressive pathways are such an easy road ugh!
I don't think I ask for much, but I would really appreciate some good vibes I think. ๐ญ๐๐ผ
What if you completely smash it like you have for other assignments? Don't listen to your mean brain, you're awesome, you're in the right place, and this is just a step on the way to an amazing future for you.
โ๏ธโ๏ธโ๏ธ A thousand times this โ๏ธโ๏ธโ๏ธ
It sounds like you are doing great, so I'm sure you'll be fine.
I find the opposite technique often works well for me - actually following the "what if I fail?" thoughts and working through the scenario realistically. Fears are often big and scary because we don't really want to think about them, once we shine a light at them they shrink back to something realistic we can actually deal with. So for example if you fail the subject you would need to repeat it, which means it will take a bit longer to finish the course. Which would be a bit annoying, but a long way from the global "I'm not good enough" fears.
๐๐๐ช๐ปโญโญ
I feel this so much. You aren't alone in these feelings. And you can do it. Breathe. Vent. Ground. You're a star and you will get though.
Kitty buzzes your way ๐โโฌ๐
fertility treatment stuff
bloody hell. Another bill from IVF. ~300 bucks for another 6 months to keep the embryos on ice.
still havnt made a decision as to another kid, timing wise. I think we're both open to it, but if we can do it ourselves and save the ~3k implantation costs that'd be ideal.
But then, are you wasting time trying naturally? and therefore another 300 bucks in the process.
its already been, what... 1200 bucks keeping them on ice since initially frozen.
Even if you were to fall pregnant tomorrow (not likely with us both coughing and spluttering like this) its another 9ish months before birth where you'd have to keep paying the storage costs.
(if you'll forgive a joke here) My god, they get you cumming and going!
Medical
Recovering from a colonoscopy and endoscopy within the last few days. (I spared you the details.) Unfortunately not many answers.
But a special ultrasound did show that my renal vein was being mildly pinched internally, which explains a very specific pain in my left kidney at particular times. (Unfortunately no answers yet around the most severe type of pain.) Annoyingly it wasnโt being crushed badly enough to qualify as nutcracker syndrome - I say annoyingly because there are both surgical and nonsurgical interventions to try and fix nutcracker syndrome. The milder version I think is called nutcracker phenomenon.
Itโs good though because Iโve spent years without getting tests and being gaslit about the pain being psychosomatic (ie โall in my headโ). Nope! Thereโs an actual visible physical issue! Right there on film. I literally had to change hospitals to get someone to take me seriously and even look.
I probably have a lot of tests ahead of me still for a long time so Iโll try not to vent or go on about it too much as they happen.
Iโm just hoping to find something that can be helped. Iโll always be disabled but I really want to at least get back to my pre-pandemic level of health.
Vent/rant/ go on as much as you need! We're here for you and Melbcat! Glad you're starting to get some answers!
Had the meeting with HR today. Thankfully it was someone who I chat to casually about things and helped me with some personal matters.
Wanted a recount of what I had been through and all the steps taken and how the end result ended being what it was.
Wanted to know if I was supported and a number of other things that Iโm failing to recount now.
Also chatted about my stress enlightened me to what I could use my personal leave on and will get back to me on the technicalities of when and what I can use it for but apparently she has the power to authorise some of the leave so Iโm waiting to find out the details.
Also did my shopping, was pretty busy thanks to Black Friday sales.
Also I have acquired pizza! ๐
I like my manager, she's this cute Greek mum that's worked here for 20 years. I'm backfilling her role as she moves up into an acting position, so she's done all the work I'm currently doing.
That's why I don't mind if I'm on a call with her where she's trying to figure something out, you can tell she's always trying her hardest.
Unfortunately we missed sunrise and are about 11 hours from sunset
I don't wanna work, I wanna look up hotels. Reminding myself that working means I can pay for said hotels. Gahhhhhhh.
we keep going down and admiring the wonderfully new repointed garage. eeeee
I was meant to do uni stuff today but I felt like crap in the morning, decided to unpack some more boxes and then went to pick up food in St Kilda - came back to have lunch with the intention of going to uni after but cripes... I need a lie down and a nap. I can't go meet my friend for dinner otherwise. I'm just going to take it easy and hopefully start early tomorrow morning instead.
One more day to go. Come on!!!
Almost Friday. So, so close now.
Had iodine contrast this morning, and it did NOT make me feel like I'd pissed myself. I would request a refund if it wasn't bulk billed, but I might just piss myself for real in protest.
Phew ol' ladies bloods done (there was refusal there but needed to happen).
Guessing there are going to be wild abnormal results.
But on the plus, ol' boy and I were cutting concrete with an angle grinder next to the clothesline, dust everywhere, and she cracked the shits so that's back to normal.
We need a new Christmas tree. My last one the dog pissed on (and tbh i brought it when I was broke so it was a bit... meh anyway). Mrs wants an real tree, which I would normally have no issues with but we're not here for Christmas day. Feel like a real tree is a bit wasted.
DT what would you guys pick? Also who makes good ornaments? Dog pissed on most of those too. And the Kmart ones looked great new but quickly fell apart.
Given the likely weather over the weekend, maybe think about doing essential laundry tomorrow. I will be doing just that.
Was there an appreciation week this week that I missed?
Pizza, Strawberries and bok choy being previous ones.
Hi everybody
Ugh. I feel like to manage stress I need to reduce my time on the internet. Itโs not good for my head to marinate in bad news.
However I spend so much time online not only due to physical limitations - but also because where I live is even more stressful and toxic and it interferes with my hobbies.
Iโd do craft but I got really sick of it over the pando and Iโm finding art a bit mentally rigorous.
I have found far too much entertainment in this website: https://www.gotocourt.com.au/how-criminal-is-your-name/
So a job that sounded really promising called a couple of weeks back and said "sorry, you are great, but we've found someone with industry experience, we'll call you if anything changes" (not exactly a niche industry), but I've just seen that the role has been reposted a week later.
Would you reach out the HR contact you've been communicating with and ask for further feedback regarding your interviews or just leave it? Wondering if there's a way I should be bettering myself that I haven't seen that they could point out (other, than, ya know, all of me), but not sure I should. I suspected by the end of the interview I was possibly being too informal/relaxed because it was such a good interview and I was feeding of their energy.
Anyone know why all lollies are Lifesaver branded these days? Did they acquire another company? Lifesavers used to just be those round hard lollies, now they're everything
Beep Beep ๐
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Carpet cleaning has been done. Stinks like wet wool but at least it's much cleaner now.
Now to check that the drains in the courtyard are not blocked.
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