Spaghetti will dump out of my pant pockets upon my demise

A Linux boot USB

Anxiety

Please don't mug me.

Phone | 1 | Legendary | $750
Leatherman Surge | 1 | Epic | $200
Flipper Zero | 1 | Rare | $150
Lock Picks | 1 set | Uncommon | $15
Mini Multimeter | 1 | Uncommon | $15
Random Tools | 1-3 | Common | $10
Mini Mouse and Keyboard | 1 set | Common | $10
Cash | - | Common | $33-$83
Cable | 1-5 | Junk | $5
Random OS Installer | 1-3 | Junk | $5
Keys | 1 stack | Junk | $0

An ear or a tooth that would contribute towards satisfying your quest, but inexplicably only 10% of the time.

A pair of glasses that nobody else can see through, a fixed size watch that will only fit the smallest of wrists, and a mostly empty wallet with cryptic notes in it going back over a decade.

My +3 poop knife

Cargo Shorts of Holding.

a rucksack with a bunch of nifty tools inside

A bunch of fully functionally cables that you'll keep forever but will never have any practical use.

A suit of armor that looks very different when you put it on depending on your gender.

No loot, just 3 exp

Debt

A pair of black Timberlands, a bag of salted peanuts, and a copy of the Codex Borgia in English. All item qualities are grey to white.

Clinical depression and student loans

a second, smaller me - and their loot is an even smaller me

A bunch of replacement organs that would look nice on first look but would actually drain your stamina at 5 % per year.

A small plain wooden box, with a gold-looking clasp.

Upon opening, the person would be granted anxiety, depression, empathy, and self-loathing, or an increase of the same, to the point they'd often wish they'd never existed.

If by "defeated" you mean "killed outright", there'd also be a small slip of paper saying "Thank you."

• Cigarettes (12)

• BIC lighter (62% filled)

• Wallet (empty)

• Keys (unknown)

• T-shirt (dirty)

• Jeans (condition low)

• Shoes (uncomfortable)

• Scrap of Paper with writing (quest item; bind on pickup. The weight is bugged so instead of being 0.02lbs it's actually 200lbs)

• Three 9mm rounds

Meat.

I would have the RPG classic, a few medicinal herbs

Pee

• 3 copper
• 1 Linen Cloth
• 1 Crucial BX500

Truly worthless items

I fully intend to go out like a minecraft zombie, so whenever I leave home I carry a nearly broken shovel, an iron ingot, or a carrot.

Egg

Empty beer can, an overly expensive but highly niche PC part (for example a fiber channel card or backup capacitors for raid controllers), a guitar pick, and an airport lounge access card.

Probably a locked cell phone, a keyring with some unidentifiable keys on it and a wallet with cards but no cash in it.

A 20-foot-long sarissa, not because I'm armed with one but because that's what you rolled on the drop table.

None, I self-destruct when defeated

Anxiety, and some cupcakes

Random electronics components, tools, or sex toys.

Legendary rhombus of doubt

Two eyes, a brain, a liver, two kidneys, 10 fingers and 10 toes.

Fuck if I know how it takes some people 30 kills to collect 5 eyes.

• phone
• watch
• handkerchief
• wallet
• sigh of relief
• performance of "screw you guys, I'm goin' home"

A phone, a wallet, assorted keys, a pair of gloves.

If I'm in everyday clothes, a Leatherman Skeletor and a pair of ear buds.

If I'm at work... a Leatherman Signal and a pair of ear buds. And 8 zip ties.

i dunno, but whatever it is will forever curse the scavenger in ways that linger long after the loot is discarded or destroyed.

Trick question, I will never be defeated.

Organs for as many people as can take them.