Witness to me and I'll gore you with my horns. Bah.

I don't believe in a higher power. That's why I'm so fucking grumpy. It's certainly not because we can't have healthcare. It's not because of a genocide. It's not because workers are exploited. Not because our planet is destroyed. No, it's all because I don't believe in a cloud man.

The original source for this seems to have been here. I'm fairly sure it's a parody site, but it's honestly hard to tell these days.

https://objectiveministries.org/kidz/crafts.html

I wonder what they think of countries around the world, like Australia, where "non-relgious" is on the way to being the highest self-reported group (38.9%) beat out by Christianity (43.9%), in 2021.

You're not considered "weird" by having any religious belief, but you may find it hard to make friends outside your religion if you're deeply religious.

There's honestly some stigma against it. Which is well deserved.

I remember two adults acting as aegis for their child. The kid approached my door, handed me a flyer and asked me to come to his Jesus party. The parents were smiling hopefully. I have no idea what Jesus party even meant.

I kneeled and said flatly "There's no such thing as Jesus. Your parents and your pastor are lying to you."

They were HORRIFIED, the parents rushed up my stoop, the father literally grabbed the kid under his arm like a football and they fled.

Am I an asshole? No. That child needed to know he's being deceived.

This is a bit more insidious than it appears- because it's asking kids to rat out atheists to religious officials.

There are absolutely areas in the US where being discovered as an atheist will ruin your life.

The word "witness" caught my eye. Is this a Jehovah's Witness thing?

Are they using child labour to hand out their shitty pamphlets now?

You cannot attempt to battle an atheist unless you're a level 10 Christian with at least a max level crucifix.

Avoid talking to them

Yes please

I like how rational sorrows about the state of the world is considered grumpy compared to mindlessly giving away any responsibility by praying.

Raped your wife/daugther? Pray! Got raped by family? Pray!! Pillaged an entire workforce for every dime they had, killing some of them by removing healthcare/firing them? Pray! Having no healthcare on the deathbed? Pray!!!Be an drunk asshole abusing your family? Pray!!!!!

Shut the fuck up an PRAY!!!!!!

Turns out, the Bible is wrong. The truth will not set you free. The truth makes you into a grumpy goat.

Oh shit. Atheist fursona.

"Witness techniques ". = Regurgitating religious propaganda and "gotchas"

I'm a Christian, the opposite happens as well. Why can't we discuss our beliefs in a civilized manner? I will never tell my "pastor" about an atheist or theist in my area. Especially considering I have atheist friends.

Yeah, I'm a grumpy atheist. Guess what, I was an even grumpier theist.

They call me godless when they use Comic Sans top to bottom.

Avoid talking to them!

They might make sense, and we haven't finished indoctrinating you!

I have become a megatheist. I buy into all the gods.

What a self-tell.

"Everyone that I am aware of being member of a group, is like that."

Mhm I wonder how you know that they are and why they are in a mood like that.

Mr. Guff sounds too much like McGruff, that talking dog narc that works for the FBI.

Holy shit. I can't believe I recognize this art.

This shit is ancient, and it was drawn as satire/bait. Nobody is handing out these flyers seriously. This post is rather embarrassing. Satire is dead I guess.

Edit: sources:

Source for text: scroll for text. I don't know where the goat went. This website is a high-effort satire page that hasn't been updated since like 2010. Looks real at first glance but just click around, it's clearly not a real church.