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[-] AllonzeeLV@lemmy.world 52 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

“Religion has actually convinced people... that there's an invisible man... living in the sky... who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of TEN THINGS HE DOES NOT WANT YOU TO DO. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

...But He loves you."

-George Carlin

[-] nale@lemmy.ml 22 points 1 year ago
[-] AllonzeeLV@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago

All knowing, all powerful, all wise... JUST CAN'T HANDLE MONEY!

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 10 points 1 year ago

Carlin didn't do this one, but I always liked the joke about the three religious leaders talking about how they're going to divide up their collection money and one of them says "I just throw it all up into the air. Whatever God catches, he can keep."

[-] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Thank you, Steve Gutenberg.

[-] lingh0e@lemmy.film 1 points 1 year ago

Everyone takes offense to Fisher Stevens' offensive brownface act.

I take offense to the suggestion that such a shitty joke can be used to guage self awareness.

[-] drbi@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago
[-] Seraph@kbin.social 7 points 1 year ago
[-] MNByChoice@midwest.social 3 points 1 year ago

The best part of polytheistic religions is how relatable the gods are. One is a jerk, another the unloved child. Dad sleeps around, and Mom is either super forgiving, or runs Hell.

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 12 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

To be fair, the (Christian) Bible doesn't say you have to love God, only to ask forgiveness. Like you can be the biggest piece of shit on Earth, but if you apologize to God on your deathbed, it's cool.

[-] kromem@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

"Love your God with all your heart" is in both the Old Testament and then extra emphasis is again put on it in the New Testament as "the first and greatest commandment."

Though the whole thing is ridiculous, and the topic reminds me of the litmus test Solomon put forward to determine who was a true parent and who was a false claimant.

The false parent in the Solomon story was the one who only cared about being recognized as the parent, even if that meant the child suffering as a result.

The true parent was the one who cared more about the child continuing to live as their complete unadulterated self, even if that meant never being known to the child at all.

And yet the tradition after that tale and then the surviving version of Christianity both claim to represent a divine parent that cares most about recognition even if it means its supposed children suffering to achieve that.

So no, the Bible explicitly does command readers to love God, but it does so on top of a layer of something radically different peeking through underneath.

[-] obligation_global@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

What a system, it encourages bad behaviour and gives you an easy solution out? That's why it's fucked.

[-] HelloHotel@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago

"Ask for" is a low bar, "geuinely be sorry" isnt, i think most cristians repent for big stuff in the same way they would to the negbor for running over his cat.

[-] lemmyvore@feddit.nl 4 points 1 year ago

Only if there's a priest there to hear it! 👆

[-] xintrik@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago

Jesus died so we don't need priests anymore 😊

Love that the creator of the universe is so fucking proud that it has to hurt itself in some weird masochistic ritual rather than admit that the creation wasn't perfect.

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Martin Luther has this one weird trick to get forgiveness from God, and the Catholic church hates him!

[-] HellAwaits@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

That's not true. There are verses that say if you don't worship God, then you're a sinner.

[-] scarabic@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Some would protest that hell isn’t really talked about in the Bible. But it sure is on every single page of the Koran.

[-] Rough_N_Ready@lemmy.world -4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

It’s mentioned quite a few times in psalms and proverbs, and Isaiah. And in Job and 2 Samuel, and deuteronomy.

Also, Jesus described what modern Christian’s consider hell. ‘Cast them into a furnace of fire; there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth’

[-] I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

True, but the main imagery that we as modern westerners have of "hell" is mostly from Dante's Inferno.

https://scholarworks.uno.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3106&context=td

[-] scarabic@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Thanks for that info! I don’t know the Bible well enough. Is that mostly Old Testament? Obvs. not the Jesus part.

[-] Rough_N_Ready@lemmy.world -2 points 1 year ago

Yes it is all Old Testament.

[-] AceFuzzLord@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

Ah yes, the Old Testament. The book where if you did one thing God didn't like, you were eternally damned with no redemption.

[-] Akasazh@feddit.nl 1 points 1 year ago

/u/Rough_N_Ready does bible.

[-] Rough_N_Ready@lemmy.world -2 points 1 year ago

Heh, you can say so. I actually run a website for cataloging criticisms of the Bible (and book of mormon): https://korihor.info/

[-] Akasazh@feddit.nl 1 points 1 year ago

Cool stuff!

[-] groats_survivor@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

I always that that was a religious leader made up thing

Can someone share specifically where it says that in the bible?

[-] labrat55@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Good being fair, compassionate, or good is not nearly as important as his being real.

this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2023
753 points (95.2% liked)

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