Yet somehow the hotel towels are several times better at actually drying than my thick luxurious towels at home

Nice, I’m surprised the spike came out so well, usually when I print something like that I have to print a small cylinder next to it or something to give it time to cool. If it tips over easily you can try making the feet further apart, or using a modifier to make the infill more solid on the bottom ~third of the print to lower it’s center of mass