An English couple adopted a German baby. By the age of two, he'd yet to talk.

They took him to specialists, but they could find nothing wrong with the boy.

By his seventh birthday, his parents had given up hope. But that morning while he ate breakfast, he spoke clearly: "Mother, Father, my strudel is a bit tepid."

They were astounded and overjoyed. "You can talk!"

"Yes of course" said the boy.

"But why haven't you said anything before?"

"Up to now everything has been quite satisfactory."

I'm still waiting on the taco trucks. They've barely increased in number over the last four years.

I preferred not to vote for Biden but he turned out to be a good president.

One of the justices should have asked "If we decide in favor of immunity, couldn't Biden claim in order to protect the rule of law he could kill us and replace us with justices who would actually uphold the law and the Constitution?"

What the hell is the argument for immunity? Even if presidents can't be charged for doing their job, stealing an election and walking away with nuclear secrets is not part of the job.

"Why did you marry someone so old?" "He's 27"

As a Washingtonian, don't fuck with Seattle Children's Hospital, you piece of shit.

And if the two highest paid public servants in your state are the University football coach and the State football coach, what sort of government is it?

Everyone should start calling Cruz "she"/"her" and when she complains, tell her she's not allowed to use her preferred pronouns.

I used to work with this lifted-truck literally red-necked red neck. He kept going on about how hot his girl was, and how white she was.

One day he shows me her picture, and she was indeed a very hot dark skinned Latina. Some people are just in denial.

Pure hitlerism

My job was broken in to. They sent a detective. He looked around and told us there was basically zero chance he'd catch the guy.

I found a cigarette butt outside. He said "It could be anybody". I said "nobody here smokes". He said "even if it's his, there's little chance it's a DNA match."

To his credit, the detective took the cigarette butt and tested it. There was a DNA match to a guy living in our small town who'd been in jail three times for robbery meaning the cops knew exactly who he was and what he did for a living but weren't doing anything to stop him.

When they went to his house they found everything of ours that he couldn't sell.