Last week has ultimately been very crap.

• Got rejected from interview
• Found out work may not relocate me to a department that isn't being made redundant
• Remember last week I told you about that date? Yeah, she came back and basically said she felt no chemistry. I did explain about wanting to kiss her and respecting boundaries (but also it was because she was coughing all evening, and I don't want to be a COVID incubator, matey), and she understood, but she has moved on.

So yeah. Quite frankly the date thing sucks but it isn't stressing me out as much as the whole "lack of job situation". Since I'm planning to prioritize income over dates, I may be a bit quiet for a while.

Oh, and the escort I used to be with (before I took dating seriously, then redundancy happened) texted me last week asking how I was doing as I've been radio silent with her. I explained my work situation, and I suspect she'll leave me alone for now (thank goodness, don't really need any more expenses atm).

I've never heard of balling balls. I actually misread it as bowling balls and I thought to myself "man, I can ask this dude to smuggle melons across the border if we ever have a fruit shortage"

I haven't been on here for quite some time. In short - I was made redundant at my job and was very quickly shitting myself (I literally got myself a house a month ago and I've got myself a mortgage) and going job-hunting. I had an interview last week, so I'm hoping that has gone well and I get an offer soon.

So up until now, no naughty fun. In fact, quite the opposite.

On Sunday I went out on a date with a lady I met off Hinge. We seemed to have conversational chatter with our voice notes, so I figured it would be good to meet her in person.

She was quite shy and didn't really do much talking (I'm sure I chatted both our ears off) outside of other opportune moments where she seemed really excited. She also told me (both on the date and in voicenotes up to the date) that it takes her a long time to warm up to people. For reference, she is divorced and her ex basically emotionally abused her as well as quite literally had an affair for half their marriage as well as had a kid with another woman while forcing my date to be on the pill (at the time she really wanted kids). So yeah, scumbag and I'm not surprised she was shy.

HOWEVER! She has agreed to another date with some Egyptian VR thing as the date in the new year, and we've even agreed to try and meet up before the new year as a dinner date. So that was really nice!

The one thing I am kicking myself over is that I didn't kiss her. Two reasons:

• She did say she took some time to warm up. She seemed to really like me, but I didn't want to risk overstepping my boundaries.
• She was quite literally coughing throughout the date. She wasn't feeling well, but still turned up (I mean, that's got to count for brownie points, right?)

I do hope we get a date soon so I can get the opportunity to kiss her though. We seem to have so much in common and she's just such a delight, not to mention she doesn't deserve even half the shit she's received with her shitty ex. It would be nice to see the relationship progress :)

Thank goodness it wasn't COVID! I hope your wife and your family recovers quickly (wife from surgery, kids from fever)

Ah man, you just reminded me I wanted to get those fancy colour changing light bulbs for the living room. I think Philips Hue has something that syncs with the TV to get the lights to sync with whatever you are watching.

But right now I'm watching the Exorcist so... maybe not right now? 😅

So I finally got round to getting laid.

If folks check my post history, you would know that I go to an escort for sex. And as usual, I did go to the same escort for sex, but this time around something felt a little bit different. I wouldn't say I didn't enjoy the sex.

But at the same time I kind of realised that sitting around outside - but not loitering around her place to make it obvious that I was a client, waiting around for said escort to get ready (and I was on time - this is usual for this escort), getting in, having a shower, seeing her getting ready too, and then having the act of sex as well as half an hour of naked chit-chat while she smoked and talked about her heart condition... it really wasn't where I saw my life going in terms of sex and relationships.

I think a large part is compounded by the fact that I have a new house (yes, I'm still banging on about this) and I'm learning to do so much stuff on my own. Next month I'll be 35 years old, and yet in so many ways I feel like such a child in terms of learning to look after myself. I'm not going to go into too much, but I have some complicated feelings about the way my parents supported me the past 10 years.

That afternoon, I sent my escort a text saying that I think I'm ready for a relationship and because of that, I'm very much going to stop seeing her from now on. Of course she texts back that she's available for support etc etc, but I deleted her number as well as other numbers of escorts I've considered and/or tried.

I remember the first time I had sex (with an escort - you can read that here: https://lemmynsfw.com/comment/2017322), I remember feeling super down about my penis size (again, I've talked about that my feelings towards small penis shaming: https://lemmynsfw.com/comment/749462). Now that I'm getting older and I have more experience, I've definitely stopped caring. It also helps that the lovely people on lemmynsfw are incredibly supportive, which helps a ton. In a nutshell, I'm feeling better about myself and my body than I was a few years ago.

So yeah, I feel like I'm reaching a point in my life. Not sure what I can call it, but it's definitely a change.

Oh, and I made two posts on the /c/cocks community:

• https://lemmynsfw.com/post/2903518
• https://lemmynsfw.com/post/3087857

The first one was because I was super horny, and the second I posted last night was to remind me to make this thread lol.

So I'll be completely honest - my first time was with an escort. If you want to read the story about my virginity hijinx, then read on ahead. Otherwise, you are more than welcome to skip and/or pass judgement at me.

It was proper shady too - the lady looked nothing like her online profile (she looks like a fat old woman, and her profile seems to suggest she is in her 20s), and I didn't realise I could walk away. That, and at this point I was 31 and desperate to get laid. I pay this lady for 1 hour of her time - please stick a mental pin in it.

So I go into the room she wants me to go into. It is dark af. At this point I'm like "huh, this is how I die. Never could've forseen this"

Then the escort with a thick Russian accent told me to take my clothes off. I was so nervous, I stupidly said "all of it??" as if I can have sex in my boxer shorts. Of course she told me to take off the boxer shorts too.

So I'm standing up, butt naked and she's fiddling my todger like she's trying to crack a safe. This isn't going so well.

Next thing, I'm instructed to be on all fours on the bed, bum facing her. She then proceeds to give me a blowjob. A bit weird, but whatever - I'm getting my dick sucked. todaywasagoodday.mp3

Next thing I know, this weird, moist feeling occurs around my butthole. Oh my god. THIS LADY IS RIMMING ME. I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS, LIKE AT ALL!!

It felt so weird to have my salad tossed, but honestly it was fucking amazing. This is turning out to be one hell of a first time experience!!

She then tells me to lie down, and then says we are having sex. FINALLY!! What I came here to do! But then she asks me quite possibly the worst question I could hear from an escort.

"Condom or raw?"

I literally blanked for a moment because I was like "wait, no, that's illegal" until my dumb-dumb brain made me realise no, that shit isn't illegal, and not only that, but many other guys have diddled her raw and have been spreading god-knows-what.

Since at this point I'm so close to getting laid, I just say "condom" and she puts on a condom and then fucking sits on my dick.

It had got to be the weirdest sensation. I didn't know what to expect, and I was already a bit conflicted, so my dick may not have been as hard as I was expecting, but it just felt like a space station entering the vast cosmos of space. I felt like my member was so insignificant in comparison to the lady. If anything, I probably walked away thinking my dick was microscopic.

Eventually I start thrusting up (I am a spaceman wanting to explore the cosmos, after all). At this point she is clearly fed up with me thrusting into her and tells me to go missionary.

So I go missionary. All I can say is if there was anyone watching through some secret camera or something, I am so sorry. What you saw was a man flopping around like a fish out of water. I now know sex isn't exactly dignified, but holy crap that could not look less dignified.

And then I came, the escort told me my time was up and that I needed to shower. Did the shower and left. Checked my watch, and I had only been there for 15 mins.

For those who care about my sex life, I have visited escorts - or should I say I've visited one escort that I immensely trust for over a year now. Admittedly, life has been exciting where dating, sex, and escorts are no longer playing the big part, but I'm sure pretty soon it will.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

title on mf point

🤨

Good grief she is cute as hell. I would do anything for her.

I'm going to be unconventional and pick 2 because I actually love her smaller tits and she's got that gorgeous long wavy black hair that is UNF oh so god damn sexy, good lord!!

Dude is lucky as hell to be waking up with you by his side, I can tell you that for free