Seriously, if you can't afford to tip your servers at a sit-down restaurant (in places that pay below minimum wage for servers), then you can't afford to eat there. It's not some life hack, you're just being a piece of shit and the only thing you are accomplishing is fucking over your fellow worker. If you don't want to tip, don't eat at places with table service.

lmao this is like saying if I push someone off a cliff, I'm actually innocent because the ground killed them.

I play bagpipes semi-professionally. The overwhelming majority of people do not like bagpipe music, and even if they do, they don't want to hear much about my bagpiping antics. One good thing is that I will never struggle to answer the dreaded "what's one interesting fact about yourself" icebreaker.