Coming out of the closet.

Demolition Man, they even predicted exactly how covid would work and when.

All those who say [insert random hardship here] "builds character". It's not uncommon for me to respond with "what's in it for me?"

My reaction would be "holy shit you're actually still alive."

Convenient since my mum passed away a few days ago actually.

When people fundamentally change depending on who is in the room.

Boiled, mashed, and stuck in a stew.

They will be russian to put him in the ground.

All those times someone accidentally printed a hundred blank pages out of the printer because they went to the very bottom of Microsoft Excel while messing around and unknowingly inserted the space bar in the bottom bar before printing.

I would wish for a better genie.

One day I saw advertised these birdhouses with little accordion-like appendages, the same kind most air conditioners have that allow them to fit into windows, and I bought several of these, one per window. On the side facing the outdoors, birds find a little hole and can venture inside, as is typical of a birdhouse. On the side facing the inside of my home, the same birdhouses have tiny windows, like those one-way viewers hotel doors have, that allow anyone to see into the birdhouses, as well as the secretly built option to open it like a door, either while no bird is inside (makes cleaning them easy) or, if someone for some reason felt devious (I wouldn't, and would never give anyone the key to said birdhouse doors), while a bird was in there, which would force it to honor the will of the owner of the home with all the said birdhouses (again, I would never use this feature, unless maybe a bird was injured or something and needed help).

Alright, with all that said... while I have no plans to ditch any of the birdhouses, I will admit I've received complaints that the combination of a few dozen birdhouses in unison is noisy in the morning, like you wake up at six in the morning and it sounds like the birdie house of commons. People say such bird hospitality is unbecoming of an inn attendant. Is it though? Is it? That said, this is usually when the noise cancellers aren't working.

Not at any workplace of mine but at school. We had a substitute teacher for a day in I think in our sophomore year. Teachers save the easy teaching sessions for when they can’t show up, which means all a substitute teacher has to do is occupy the class with a documentary or something from the handy dandy wheeled video projector and make sure everyone behaves. However, she got a substitute who didn’t understand a word in English. And again, doesn’t really seem like a problem if you’re just there to hit a few buttons. But she got us a documentary with, well, let’s just say wildly inaccurate closed captions that looked ripped from a 50 Shades of Grey AI crossover fanfiction.

"Did you know you can save 15% or more by switching to Geico?"