I don't think that I ever did feel like a kid when I went back to my parents for Christmas. Instead, it felt cloying, cluttered and claustrophobic - and as far as I can tell, it is entirely coincidental that all three of those start with 'cl'. I felt out of place and constrained and it seemed irrelevant to anything else in my world. Mum and my siblings were all doing their usual things, but I felt in the same stiff, un-natural position that 'posh' visitors were always put in back when I was living there as a child. There was a sense that it was all a performance for my benefit - but one that never really convinced.