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this post was submitted on 09 Jun 2024
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One that used to really grind my gears was "oh, you're babysitting today?"
No, they're my kids. I'm their father.
"No, I mean, you're giving Mom a break?"
FFS.
They have no fucking clue what they’re saying either
Depends on the situation. I'm working and my wife is currently a SAHM because the little one is quite tiny indeed. When I get home after work I take the baby off her hands for a while because I KNOW my wife had a more exhausting day than I did because of the little ~~demons~~angels. And anything the 3yo needs, I'll be there for her so she doesn't bother mom with everything.
Sometimes it does feel like I'm babysitting or giving her a break, because she for sure spends way more time and energy on them throughout the day.
Ok, you just struck a nerve here, that shit drive me crazy.
I'm a first time father of a 6 months old and I love him to death. I want to spend every waking moment with him so I take up as much "baby works" as possible since his birth. Bath, feeding, changing, play, exercise, going outside, doctor appointments, I do all those things.
And EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN TIME I got asked "where's the mother?", "Is she busy today so you're babysitting?", "Why you have to babysit today?"
HAVE TO? BITCH! This is my fuckin pleasure, I'm craving it, I'm addicted to this little poop machine. GTFO!
I want to yell at their face "THIS IS MY SON, I LOVE HIM, CAN'T I JUST BE WITH HIM!?"
My wife admitted that I do a much better job taking care of our baby. I am kind of "extra careful" type of person and I've been taking care of foster newborn kittens for a decade, and believe it or not but some skills does transfer over. Infants is basically function on pure instinct, and I'm damn good at anticipate it. I can accurately translate my son's cry 90% of the time. He has 3 distinct cries for hungry, sleep, and diaper change, then later another "i'm bored" cry.
My wife would often call me on the phone to have me listen to his crying and ask what'd he want.
I'm a damn good father and I'm proud to take care of him. I don't have to do it, I GET TO do it!
Brother, you got it exactly. Being a parent isn't a chore I'm doing, it's my primary vocation.
Honestly with how oblivious most men are to the amount of work the average mother does, this is not a weird or stupid question. Insensitive, sure. Traditional gender roles still spill over into conversation, especially with older folks. The absolute least a father can do is aim to carry an equal share of the load of having children. The bitter reality is that this does not happen nearly as much as it should, hence comments like these.
Moms are underrated as fuck.
I think it's acceptable if the mother isn't working and the father is basically the breadwinner. Which, y'know, used to be economically viable. But if both parents are sharing the financial load then they should share the parental load as well. And even if a dad is working, he should still be a dad on the weekends and after work. All children need a good father figure.
Yep, absolutely agree. Thanks for seeing the nuance.
Yeah. It's awful how when society changes to give women more responsibility (financially) that the idea of them looking solely after the children is still expected, even though they are having to work and it dates back to when they were housekeepers.
Am I missing something? Aren't the people asking the man if he's giving mom a break the ones perpetuating the "moms are expected to raise children" stereotype? The guy in this scenario is simply doing father things, it's the assumptive person asking the question that's hanging onto old beliefs.
I'm all for fathers being fathers, and I think anyone who bothers to take their kid to the park on off times is probably in the same boat. It comes across as more than a bit condescending to have some random person imply that this activity isn't one that's normal for your family.
Yeah, that's exactly what's happening. People seem to be misconstruing my comment as endorsement of gender stereotypes? I don't know.
The assumption that the father is just giving mom a break is part of a systemic issue, that by and large women are still expected to bear the bulk of the burden of childcare. Older generations are much more likely to ask that assumptive question as they still see it as the norm. Hell, some families in my own personal circle fit that stereotype like a glove, to the detriment of the mother's mental health.
I think for what it's worth, as much as I advocate for a single working parent, I think a stay-at-home dad would also be a good thing and a working mother. I just think the capitalist system should allow families to live with one working parent.
Yep, nothing wrong with a stay at home dad. Unfortunately capitalist society axed the single income comfort for the vast majority of couples decades ago. I wonder what things would be like if our buying power remained at 1950s levels?
Probably like the 1950s but without the discrimination problems
Yeah. Dads should be dads and be involved in their children's lives.
Yeah, I don't think anyone is arguing they shouldn't. It just seems really counterproductive to ever talk to a father as if he's a babysitter. As long as we're assuming Mom doing all the child rearing work is normal, and Dad's just a babysitter, we're leaving the door open to normalizing deadbeats.
That's exactly what I was trying to acknowledge with my comment above. I was just pointing out how common it actually is to come across folks that think that way and that they think that way due to systemic issues involving deadbeat dads and perpetuation of antiquated gender roles among other things.
I think the person asking a question like that shouldn't necessarily be treated with disdain as absent or uninvolved fathers is a rather large problem. Some men still lean into the gender roles without even thinking about it. Its still so normalized that its ultimately mother's responsibility to handle children and any additional involvement from the father is seen as charitable, it seems. Its a disappointing dynamic.
I find that these "bare minimum" assertions often crumble upon contact with any real-life scenario
Absolutely. That bare minimum is a distant unreachable fantasy for some married moms I know.
I don’t get it myself. I wanted to be a father for a long time and since I became one I’ve been loving it. Because you know, I wanted the relationship and all that rather than “you’re supposed to have kids.” It’s sad enough when people do that with dogs, never mind tiny vulnerable humans.
Piss off
Ta yeule.