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Ex-Incels, how did you dig yourself out? (poptalk.scrubbles.tech)

submitted 5 months ago by scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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I'm an ex incel myself, but I've been seeing a few users here exhibiting the tell tale signs. "I'm not attractive enough", "I don't socialize correctly", "I'll never find a woman" - all extremely unhealthy attitudes.

Personally I burned through many friendships and ruined a lot of chances with women because I was in the incel community. The community warped my view of women so much that I made it even harder to meet women, I became my own worst enemy. I lost friends because all I could think of was how horrible it was that they had girlfriends.

I have a friend who helped me out of it. She was the one who started calling out my bad behavior for what it was, and I started on the long uphill path out of it. I'm now married and stable for well over a decade, but I still think back to those days, and it depresses me seeing other people causing this themselves and not being aware of it.

So, Lemmy, for those who have clawed out of it, what's your story?

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[-] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 9 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Any sexual relationship will rely on a foundation of some amount of friendship. A human connection, if you will. There's a reason the terms are "fuckbuddy" and "friends with benefits" and not just "sex toy"

If you want a sex toy just go buy a sex toy from the shop

[-] Danquebec@sh.itjust.works 1 points 5 months ago

What about hookups though? I'd say there isn't much human connection there, and certainly not friendship.

[-] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 5 points 5 months ago

Realistically, in order to hook up you need the social skills that come from forming and maintaining human connections in order to not immediately make your perspective partner run for the hills the moment you open your mouth. Sure one might be able to get lucky in spite of a lack of any social experience, but that's about as likely as winning it big in lottery

[-] Danquebec@sh.itjust.works 2 points 5 months ago

I thought you meant friendship with the sexual partner, not as a skill / attitude with anyone. Nevermind then

[-] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 3 points 5 months ago

I mean, I kinda meant both. Because you have to be not-offputting to have a second hookup with someone, and by that point you're already pretty much in a relationship of sorts. But to not be offputting you need some amount of social skills to begin with, so really its both.

But really I worded it the way I did because I can't tell if the person I was responding to is trolling or not

[-] Danquebec@sh.itjust.works 3 points 5 months ago

Yea, really not wanting friends would be unusual but I figure out if that's what you want, hookups are the only solution. If you have good looks enough and are not socially offputting.

Also, prostitutes. For this, you just need to not be socially offputting, and to have money.

Sorry I'm stuck overanalyzing solutions for a likely troll.

[-] Kimdracula@sh.itjust.works -1 points 5 months ago

My father and mother weren't friends.

[-] adhocfungus@midwest.social 3 points 5 months ago

Mine weren't either. Unbearably miserable for everyone until they got divorced, then it was just regular miserable. Would not recommend.

this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2024

506 points (95.2% liked)

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