If you can’t kill yourself properly, just find a real alpha man to do the job correctly? You don’t know jack about suicide. Here let me mansplain that for ya

• puts down Tylenol, grabs gun

Edited for clarity since this is very dark humor: “In other news tonight, the “smiling woman” was arrested today after apparently murdering her husband. She was contemplating suicide but made other choices. The video was live-streamed on tic tock. Coming at 6 tonight stay tuned to WTAF news”