Red flag parade lol! But yes very true, I think poor guy knows it too and is really trying to turn it around. I literally told him I'm not sure if it's my trust issues or he's a walking red flag, and he took it very well. That's also why I'm attracted I think, he is so sweet after all he's been through. But reading everyone's warnings was a wake-up call and made me feel bad and questioning myself for feeling attracted to him. Thank you so much
I will say while the harassment wasn't in the sense of bossman asking for a quickie in his office - the harassment was clear with sexual undertone. For more context, we went on a work trip where it was supposed to be all 3 of us there overnight. Ann bailed (no surprise there), so I was forced to be there with Ned. I wanted to go to a cheaper hotel and made it clear I was content staying there myself while he went elsewhere, and Ned kept pressuring me to get this fancy hotel, same one as him. He rented this bright colored trendy car (not the norm for business trips) and said he thought it would look better/more impressive. I instantly thought "Who cares? We are here for work." It clearly wasn't for the client because he purposefully parked far away so they wouldn't see (suspicious in and of itself). He wanted me to go to dinner (with his friend, but still) and randomly claimed he forgot to pack the most essential things and wanted me to go to not one, but two, stores with him. I was so pissed when he kept pressuring me to order a more expensive dish to share and got upset when I didn't. We got back to the hotel around 10:30pm or even later. Constantly cracking dumb jokes trying to make me laugh. So yes I think the look in his eye wasn't innocent warmth and longing. I sat in that car and went with his shenanigans because it was a work trip. Some people might be ok with this shit. I'm not some people. As for dramatic, I'll take it over keeping silent over this misogynistic treatment that has no place in any community.
I agree, thank you! I started doing that when he was harassing me about printing months ago. It was such a ridiculous question. He asked me where in the office the printers are. They are literally everywhere. And he has been there before. There is a huge map at the entrance. Also I was not even on the floor, nor am I Maintenance. I emailed back something like "I missed the text you had sent on the weekend. There are printers near each of the supplies areas on the floor."
Thank you! How should I phrase it to be professional yet assertive? I admittedly sometimes sound "nice" when I'm trying to set boundaries but clearly that hasn't been working with him and he does not seem to respect me.
Thank you so much for the thoughtful insight! It's funny in a not so funny way how growing up I was like of course I will eventually settle down, get married, and procreate. Probably meet a "one" by 22, 23 and marry a few years later. Yeah that sounds like a great plan. And then reality hit, including a pandemic. Long story short, I'm not sure if I want kids and can't fathom all the work that comes with that but I'm also not closing the door on it.
8 billion humans yet the ones I've tried loving were either emotionally unavailable, looking for something different, or a narcissist (most recent and hurt the most even after all the other boys). It almost makes me wonder if I'm incompatible with a relationship.
I appreciate the safe space and validation to forget what I think I should do and prioritize what I want to do. I probably sound really dark about this topic but it helps having support from kind samaritans like you. We'll see what happens. If you don't mind me asking, did this all work out for you? Winding road or fairly easy?
It is definitely possible and I have spent much less time on social media overall these recent years. Societal expectations/norm, family asking, my own internal thoughts contribute surely contribute too. How does one look past all of these reminders?
That makes sense, thank you. I didn't think of that and consider how things looked from his side. I keep wondering though, was there anything that could have been done to fix the situation once it happened?
I appreciate it! I still see it from this angle too and those were my exact intentions, even though it was a bold move. Reading everyone's input helps me feel less bad and consider new perspectives
This helps, thank you. I can see how he would have no way of knowing that type of behavior is not the norm for me and that I'm not carrying something contagious. It's all very ironic because I myself tend to be mindful of germs but did that on a whim. I keep wondering though, was there anything that could have been done to fix this once it happened?
Thank you for the thoughtful comment and encouragement! Do you think there was anything that could be done to fix the situation once it happened? I'm a little worried how much it's been on my mind since it happened a few nights ago but it is definitely improving with time. I think I'm just feeling lonely romantically nowadays
Thank you so much! I'm relieved to hear that you would have interpreted it as I had intended, an innocent flirty sign. It was really the first time I had done that and agree about the sanitation/safety factors. What should I have done to fix it after that happened, if any? For example, I keep wondering if it would've helped for me to apologize and clarify my intentions, and try to continue dancing with him. Or do you think he would see that as desperate? Do you think he thought I was an "easy" person without boundaries?
Thank you so much for your advice! Your comment reminded me of a rather key moment that happened:
He and his friend picked a guy to matchmake me with, I said he’s not my type, to which my crush asked “who is your type?” but I didn’t get a chance to respond because his friend interrupted. Right after that, he called me bro again, and I asked him straight up “Do you see me as a bro?” He clammed up and seemed like he wanted to say something more, but just said “What?” while smiling after a silence, and I said “What?” back. At one point, we were almost cuddling and his voice got cute/soft; he also initiated a hug late that night.
I like the idea of asking our mutual friend to help me out and ask him directly if he's interested in me that way. I've already chatted with his friend, hinting at my feelings, but I haven't asked him to open the dialogue on their side. His friend seems very supportive and said that we would be a cute couple together. For additional context, he also did mention that the earliest he will start dating is after this strenuous work period which goes until mid-December. Given the timeline, do you think this should be as soon as the work wraps up right before the holidays, or wait until next year? Not sure if I can keep waiting in frustration especially wanting to make the most of the time off.