25 or so years ago, I learnt Esperanto (my first second language) by chatting on the Internet. I'd have two windows open - one with the IRC client, and the other with a terminal and a shell script that would grep a txt file with consistent formatting. "esp esperantoVerbPrefix/" or "esp noun," or "esp affix-" would typically return the correct result in a split second. Thanks to the simple grammar (that I had quickly memorized), I could hold conversations in near real time as a result.
I wish I could have learnt my other languages as easily.
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You want to cut my hair for cheap? No, I am going to stab myself in the eye with the scissors. Haha, you lose.
Seriously though, tariffs can help (as part of a bigger strategy) to develop and protect important industries. You probably want a surgical approach in applying them, though.
If any of this actually happened (unlikely), I'd expect the US to start a very long slide to irrelevance.