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submitted 11 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
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[-] Spot@startrek.website 226 points 11 months ago

Far-right influencer Rogan O’Handley went so far as to suggest that if the Chiefs won the Super Bowl, Swift and Kelce would trigger an apocalyptic chain of events that would kill millions. “You MUST defeat the Chiefs,” O’Handley wrote in an X post addressed to the San Francisco 49ers. “If you don’t, Mr. Pfizer and his girlfriend are going to tour the country as ‘world champions’ helping elect Joe Biden WW3 will likely follow in a 2nd Biden term and millions will die. The fate of the free world rests upon your shoulders”

Just wow. Only a tidbit of the crazy they are spouting in this article.

[-] EmergMemeHologram@startrek.website 131 points 11 months ago

I don't get it.

Why would the cabal, the super influential group secretly controlling all our actions, need a football team to win the superbowl to defeat them, and why would they, in all their Machiavellian wisdom, not have considered the 50% chance event that their football team loses?

Why would they pick Biden for another term then start WW3? Why not just start it now if that's what they want and he's already their puppet? They've had 3 years and there's certainly enough political tinder in the world to start a fire.

None of this makes any coherent sense.

[-] EmergMemeHologram@startrek.website 60 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

You know what, I've thought about this some more and the reasoning is clear.

If the 49ers win, they'll inadvertantly resurrect Harvey Milk, who will kill JFK (who faked his own death and has been lying in wait), who will then be unable to reclaim the last months of his presidency (his term was never officially ended you know) which he planned to use to restore Donald Trump to power. Harvey Milk will then become president and make heterosexuality illegal and force us to live in 15 minute neighborhoods.

That must be their angle! They win either way!

[-] HonkTonkWoman@lemm.ee 27 points 11 months ago

There’s one key piece you’re missing, Joe Montana is actually resurrected Harvey Milk & has been this whole time.

This plan began back when Joe was winning Super Bowls, but Steve Young was an unexpected hiccup. The queer stopped spreading as fast when Joe got traded.

This Superbowl has been chosen specifically because Montana played for both the Chiefs & the 49ers, & because Joe Montana is also Taylor Swift.

They were going to do it 4 years ago, but Joe was still Arianna Grande back then.

It’ll all make sense when Andy Reid eats Travis Kelce during halftime.

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[-] Sabata11792@kbin.social 60 points 11 months ago

Trump sycophant Laura Loomer wrote on X that “the Democrats’ Taylor Swift election interference psyop is happening in the open… They are going to use Taylor Swift as the poster child for their pro-abortion GOTV Campaign.”

This shit sounds like deepfried AI hallucinations, but I know people are actually that dumb.

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[-] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 47 points 11 months ago

millions will die

Didn’t seem to care about that too much during Covid, not sure why it’s a problem for him now.

[-] lemmylommy@lemmy.world 38 points 11 months ago

If the guy is endorsing a team from San Francisco, the capital of libruls and the gay, he must be part of the conspiracy.

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[-] RootAccess@lemmynsfw.com 134 points 11 months ago

I'm continually impressed at how good Joe Biden is at running this vast, secret, deep state network of people rigging everything... while being so bad at anything else.

[-] jettrscga@lemmy.world 83 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Obligatory definitions of fascism #8:

Fascist societies rhetorically cast their enemies as "at the same time too strong and too weak".

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[-] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 112 points 11 months ago

Lmao what the actual fuck 🤣

[-] ZeroCool@slrpnk.net 67 points 11 months ago

Taylor Swift stole my pic-a-nic basket!

[-] betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 40 points 11 months ago

Somebody's playing with the cursed Mad Libs booklet again.

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[-] taanegl@lemmy.world 109 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

That has to be the lamest conspiracy theory of 2024, and we're only in January. Strap in, kids. It's election year and it's finna be a doozy.

[-] xor@infosec.pub 29 points 11 months ago

actually, they have been planning a new series of incredibly complex conspiracies with almost no payoff, as a conspiracy to make regular conspiracies seem less plausible....

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[-] Ticklemytip@lemmy.world 92 points 11 months ago

Hahahahahahaha bahahahahahaaa. Oh wait... They're serious. Let me laugh even harder BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHQHAHAH!

[-] hex_m_hell@slrpnk.net 52 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

There's a Q six letters in. There's 12 months in a year, which is 6x2. That means THIS YEAR BIDEN RIGGED THE SUPER BOWL! It's clearly an admission from a secret agent associatied with Q.

/s just in case it's needed, because we live in the dumbest of all possible time lines.

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[-] Syringe@lemmy.world 89 points 11 months ago

"Editor wastes ink on this bullshit instead of the news"

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[-] Mango@lemmy.world 84 points 11 months ago

Taylor Swift doesn't need the Superbowl.

[-] CleoTheWizard@lemmy.world 35 points 11 months ago

Conservatives are so out of touch that they think that Taylor Swift still needs a platform after a record breaking music tour. If anything, she is the platform that the NFL needs for a female audience, not the other way around.

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[-] agent_flounder@lemmy.world 67 points 11 months ago

Right wingers say stupid shit that makes no fucking sense. News at 11.

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[-] thisbenzingring@lemmy.sdf.org 63 points 11 months ago

when I was reading 1984 a few years back it occurred to to me that the main character is trapped in his own hell. he tells you how he is dependent on big brother for everything, even his opinion. But his temptation and love and freedom cause his downfall. His handler even knows he will one day fall into the snare. And when they break him, they do so with simple lies that he is forced to believe, because its all that he has left.

But its not big government that is keeping him trapped. He could leave his life and become a prole but his fear is too great. And he returns to the party even when he knows its his doom.

The conservatives are trapped in this same hell cycle. Brought on by themselves. And they fear that leaving the party so much so that they will harm anyone else who tires.

[-] pachrist@lemmy.world 24 points 11 months ago

Sounds like 1984 is about to get banned South of the Mason Dixon. Can't have these liberal, Yankee views corrupting the youth.

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[-] _sideffect@lemmy.world 60 points 11 months ago

So then why don't they bet on it and make tons of cash?

[-] Aabbcc@lemm.ee 35 points 11 months ago

Because there's a chance trump and the good guys can defeat the forces of evil and un-rig the SuperBowl

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[-] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 57 points 11 months ago

Why would the Superbowl need to be rigged for her to do this? Everything the woman does is already reported and televised everywhere.

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[-] Coreidan@lemmy.world 55 points 11 months ago

That’s because right wingers are the dumbest people on the planet

[-] HawlSera@lemm.ee 49 points 11 months ago

The fuck does Taylor Swift have to do with this?

[-] Random_German_Name@feddit.de 49 points 11 months ago

She told people to vote and most Taylor Swift Fans probably aren‘t conservative

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[-] Squirrel@thelemmy.club 36 points 11 months ago

Her boyfriend is on one of the teams playing. That's it.

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[-] Dkarma@lemmy.world 49 points 11 months ago

Reality is rigged -the guy who went to Texas to watch JFK come back from the dead

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[-] carl_dungeon@lemmy.world 48 points 11 months ago

I love the idea that hard right idiots get enraged and boycott everything they love, leaving them sitting alone in their garages angrily muttering to themselves and hating everything.

[-] Zink@programming.dev 29 points 11 months ago

Who would have guessed that defining your identity by the things you hate, and your politics by the people you want hurt, would lead one towards being a miserable fuck.

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[-] CodeName@infosec.pub 45 points 11 months ago

Ok, so what if her favorite team loses the Superbowl and she still endorses Biden? What then? Like do they think that is her one chance to endorse a candidate?

[-] ShepherdPie@midwest.social 44 points 11 months ago

Don't you get it? The Superbowl is her one chance to reach a large audience. If she doesn't get to endorse him there, she may never get another chance to reach millions of people because platforms like that don't exist outside of a couple major sporting events.

[-] thisbenzingring@lemmy.sdf.org 28 points 11 months ago

I laughed!

yesterday I was at the grocery store and the young lady at the register asked me if I was going to watch the big games today. I told her I didn't really care about football aside from one team. She asked if I was going to watch the Superbowl and I said probably not. I asked if she was going to and she said yes because her hobby was Taylor Swift. It was a moment that I will remember for a while because it was fun to be in that space where this young lady who didn't care about the game was excited about Taylor Swift being a part of it, and me whos watched it all my life could care less.

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[-] Everythingispenguins@lemmy.world 37 points 11 months ago

Well I was going to vote for Biden but now I am changed, I can't let the white liberal hope of Tay Tay ruin my enjoyment of making black people play sports.

/s like lots of it because someone crazy MF is going to think that is really what I think.

[-] kandoh@reddthat.com 37 points 11 months ago

Conservatives believe whatever feels good for them to believe at that exact moment. The only evidence they need that a white football player dating a white pop star is a psyop is the cortisol their brain gave them when they came up with the idea.

[-] toasteecup@lemmy.world 32 points 11 months ago

Oh boy, I love stealing the superb owl from idiots.

[-] kersploosh@sh.itjust.works 32 points 11 months ago

It would be funny if it wasn't also scary. These people are unhinged.

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[-] J12@lemmy.world 32 points 11 months ago

The NFL probably is rigged but not for the reasons these fuckheads think.

[-] pachrist@lemmy.world 25 points 11 months ago

Can't believe you'd accuse the NFL, sponsored by Draft Kings and Fan Duel, of rigging the Super Bowl. Is nothing sponsored by Caesars Sports Book sacred?

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[-] Snapz@lemmy.world 32 points 11 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

"Everything The TV tells me not to like in life is on purpose and against me specifically!!! Everyone is thinking about me, all the time, and plotting. EVERYONE!"

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[-] Pratai@lemmy.ca 28 points 11 months ago

My god those cowards will cry about everything.

[-] TrueStoryBob@lemmy.world 24 points 11 months ago

The joke is on them... the game is definitely rigged, she's paid off the NFL so that she can announce she's running for president on an independent ticket against Trump and Biden.

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this post was submitted on 29 Jan 2024
848 points (96.0% liked)

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