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Jeff's magic money machine (midwest.social)

submitted 5 months ago by anachronist@midwest.social to c/memes@lemmy.ml

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[-] cymbal_king@lemmy.world 161 points 5 months ago

Easy, buy up a bunch of land for conservation

[-] Tak@lemmy.ml 55 points 5 months ago

Buy $20 for $100 million. If you can "buy" nft's then Idk why you can't buy something with less value.

[-] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 47 points 5 months ago

The $20 bill has a unique serial number just like the nft.

[-] Alexstarfire@lemmy.world 12 points 5 months ago

It's even better because no one else can have that same bill at the same time.

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[-] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 28 points 5 months ago

If you can "buy" nft's then Idk why you can't buy something with less value.

I'll tell you why: because there's nothing with less value than an nft.

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[-] qjkxbmwvz@startrek.website 28 points 5 months ago

Property can take a while to close

offer to title in under 30 days is on the quick side.

Of course, you could probably close very fast if you offered 100M cash on a 10M property...

[-] Baphomet_The_Blasphemer@lemmy.world 21 points 5 months ago

If you're buying vacant land and paying cash, you can close really quickly as there's nothing in need of inspection, and loan processing times aren't a factor... I have a buddy who just purchased 100+ acres of vacant land from a logging company. He paid cash and was able to close in just a few weeks.

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[-] MNByChoice@midwest.social 14 points 5 months ago

In "Bewster's Millions" he also had to have nothing of value at the end.

So yes that is a good method for this formula of the question.

[-] brown567@sh.itjust.works 131 points 5 months ago

Easy! Just spend the month in a US hospital without insurance

Hopefully the billion will cover the rest of the bill

[-] HappycamperNZ@lemmy.world 16 points 5 months ago

You know it won't

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[-] dditty@lemm.ee 105 points 5 months ago

Sent this to my friend at AWS and he said it was already all-over their internal Memes Slack channel. At least their engineers and project managers are in on the joke. 😁

[-] slazer2au@lemmy.world 70 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Create a serverless function on AWS that calls a serverless function on Azure, which calls a serverless function on gcp which calls a serverless function on Oracle cloud which loops it back to AWS.

Now stick CloudFlare in between each step of that.

[-] _stranger_@lemmy.world 32 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Dude, you only have 100 million.

[-] DrDominate@lemmy.world 49 points 5 months ago

Genie never said they'd give me a 100M to spend in the first place. No way I'd be able to spend 100M that I don't have.

[-] intensely_human@lemm.ee 16 points 5 months ago

This reminds me of a scam I fell for in Eve Online once

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[-] Miaou@jlai.lu 13 points 5 months ago

Find someone rich who would believe you have this pact with a génie, and promise them a 100% ROI.

Thinking of it, that's not the worst idea for a new ~~sect~~ religion...

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[-] Prunebutt@slrpnk.net 47 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Ever heard of this game called "Star Citizen"?

[-] DmMacniel@feddit.org 25 points 5 months ago

from 714 millions to 814 millions in one day. nice :D

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[-] AstralPath@lemmy.ca 43 points 5 months ago

I'd spend 100M in a month easily. Especially after I've bankrolled GrapheneOS, Ladybird and all my favourite FOSS projects. They also didn't say anything about charity which IMO isn't gifting. Once I feel like I've sufficiently contributed to society I'd buy a 50ft sailboat, pimp the shit out of it with solar and fuck off forever.

With the billion I'd establish a fund that pays out monthly to any projects I deem worthy and funds all food banks in my local area indefinitely.

[-] Jolteon@lemmy.zip 13 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Then maybe graphene OS would be able to get enough people to maintain non-pixel builds.

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[-] Stern@lemmy.world 39 points 5 months ago

"Can I invest in crypto"

"I already said no throwing it away"

[-] JaN0h4ck@feddit.org 13 points 5 months ago

No gambling also applies

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[-] hOrni@lemmy.world 29 points 5 months ago

Buy a few houses? How long does that take if You have cash?

[-] Makeitstop@lemmy.world 33 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

It's taking the premise of Brewster's Millions, which required that he not only spend the money, but that he has to have nothing left at the end, including assets. So, buying a house doesn't work because you still own the house.

Obviously there are still plenty of ways to drop millions on stuff without having anything to show for it. Hell, it's probably easier now than ever before. Just become a whale for a mobile game and you're there.

[-] ICastFist@programming.dev 20 points 5 months ago

Just become a whale for a mobile game and you’re there.

I'd rather literally burn all that cash

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[-] EnderMB@lemmy.world 27 points 5 months ago

I would've thought that this could be quite simple.

A few flights in a private jet, or long-term purchasing for the whole month to take you wherever you want.
Several $250k-500k cars in each location to take you wherever you want
A private show from a famous band can set you back a few million. Do this each day.
Go to Vegas and get in a pissing content with some rich cunt where you send expensive drinks to each others table, until one folds. That'll be a few million each night.
Trump spent a ton on sex, so high class hookers?
A few ads across multiple providers to promote something
Prize fights can be set up quickly, and have the best in combat sports ready in 30 days. Offer $1m per division for the winner, and do it across maybe 4-5 sports, pay for TV and streaming, set up a venue, and you'll probably blow through it all.

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[-] CheeseNoodle@lemmy.world 23 points 5 months ago

I feel like I could easily spend that in microtransactions on some scummy mobile game.

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[-] win95@lemmy.zip 23 points 5 months ago

Easy. Buy 100 homes in my city. Become a landlord. Barely ask rent so it's technically not gifting. Use my infinite money to maintain the homes so people have affordable decent housing. Profit for all!

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[-] brygphilomena@lemmy.world 22 points 5 months ago

Start a company.

Create a product.

Price it at $100m.

Buy said product from my own company.

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[-] gofsckyourself@lemmy.world 20 points 5 months ago

Just pay for a couple people's cancer hospital bills.

[-] nilclass@discuss.tchncs.de 16 points 5 months ago

Sounds like gifting

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[-] garbagebagel@lemmy.world 19 points 5 months ago

Can I do the lobbying thing to get a nice human rights or climate law passed or is 100M still too poor for that

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[-] YtA4QCam2A9j7EfTgHrH@infosec.pub 17 points 5 months ago

Surely the answer to this is to buy really short term options. Bad case is you lose all the money and get a billion. Good case is that you make even more money.

[-] offspec@lemmy.world 25 points 5 months ago

They said no gambling

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[-] NoIWontPickAName@kbin.earth 16 points 5 months ago

Treasury bonds here I come

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[-] zbyte64@awful.systems 15 points 5 months ago

Buy a supreme Court justice with the first 100M, then the rest of the court with the other Billion.

[-] stiephelando@discuss.tchncs.de 16 points 5 months ago

You're overpaying, justices aren't that pricey

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[-] wildcardology@lemmy.world 15 points 5 months ago

I'll buy $100m worth of stocks from all the public companies every month.

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[-] PapaStevesy@lemmy.world 14 points 5 months ago

Soooo easy, buy some "art" at an auction, probably take me two days.

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[-] Catsrules@lemmy.ml 13 points 5 months ago

Can I just keep the 100 million? I don't think I need a billion.

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[-] ICastFist@programming.dev 11 points 5 months ago

Would donations count as gifting? There are so many FOSS projects that could use the cash inflow.

If it doesn't count, well, prepare for a deluge of hentai to show up in a month.

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[-] programmer_belch@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 5 months ago

Crash the dollar by entering the whole amount in the stock market? Or are stocks also considered gambling?

[-] vane@lemmy.world 11 points 5 months ago

Just buy some commercial property, island, luxury house that is worth 100M, it can be done in less then a week. 3 weeks left to think and organize how to spend 1 billion in 1 day.

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[-] Seigest@lemmy.ca 11 points 5 months ago

Give it all away anyway. Screw that genie, wealth hoarding jerk. At worst he kills you and you leave a saintly legacy.

[-] leopold@lemmy.kde.social 12 points 5 months ago

seems better to just spend the 100M like he wants and then just give the remaining 900M away.

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[-] frezik@midwest.social 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

The problem is that it's so much money that you can clear out the inventory of almost anything you would buy while only chewing a few percent off the bankroll. Provided you can close on them in time, buying up some high end houses, or just a whole lot of land, is probably your best bet. Being a cash deal on your end helps move the paperwork faster. They're also durable goods that don't need a warehouse to be stored, and don't need any maintenance for a while.

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[-] Kashmir@midwest.social 11 points 5 months ago

Just buy like 10 apartments in New York.

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