I'll have the burger whose contents are stacked too high to eat comfortably and spill out when you try to bite it, please
With a wooden stick in it half the height of the burger, if you could.
The stick is so it doesn't fall apart on the way to the table, after that it's your responsibility
And your choice of IPA, Hazy IPA, West Coast IPA, XPA, or lemon squeezed on ice and a dash of ginger ale.
Sure thing, is an inch-thick slice of tomato okay or did you want thicker?
It comes out with a dull ass steak knife stabbed through the top
Burgers need to be wider, not taller.
When I'm the King I will mandate this.
at the point where your cutlery becomes necessary to eat your burger unless you pig-trough it you have failed at making a burger
Half the staff are wearing wool beanies in dead ass middle of summer
Sides are a la carte, fries come in a metal cup with newspaper-style wax/parchment paper
The bottom bun is falls-apart-soggy by halfway through
Claims to have a huge selection of craft beers...all IPAs, a stout, a sour, and PBR
You forgot the black gloves! Those are required by law.
Burgers are served on a scaffold board/shovel/roof tile
Coleslaw is always referred to as house 'slaw.
Menu prices omit the $ sign/£ sign.
Eg. Triple cooked fries 4
Menu prices omit the $ sign/£ sign.
"Gourmet bacon and cheese burger - 15"
15 what? Pence?
run by four interchangeable lumbersexual white guys in their mid 20s who are having the time of their lives and one white chick in her late 20s who is just so over it.
This is so like.. 2014
yeah that's about the last time i walked into one of them places.
There's a bar here with that aesthetic. They do serve ok burgers at slightly reasonable prices, but the secret is to become friends with the cooks. Then tell them that you don't care what the upcharge is, but you want them to make you the burger they'd want and to have fun with it.
Now I can go in and say "Tell them TexasDrunk wants whatever burger they want to send out" and 9 out of 10 times I get a burger that's delicious (and sometimes insane). Usually they just charge me the regular burger price.
I don't do it often, but I got good friends and good burgers out of it.
Hell yeah! When I worked as a server, I would ask the cooks to make me a burger of the day for my lunch break. There was no "burger of the day" they just went wild and often times they required multiple "load bearing straws".
People who go into cooking generally enjoy getting to be creative. I love those insane creations that require load bearing anything (although I don't think I've seen straws, usually it's toothpicks, skewers, or pickle spears).
My absolute favorite wasn't the tastiest but it was definitely the coolest. The guy made a pretty standard bacon jalapeno burger, added some house made barbecue sauce, cut it into pieces, skewered it, and served it as the garnish for a pitcher of micheladas.
Note: A michelada is kind of what you'd get if a bloody Mary went to Mexico on vacation and added beer and spices.
The best burgers are found in places that look like you have to bribe a health official to get a barely passing grade
Not just burgers, that seems to be the best food in general
Or the absolute worst. And they did bribe a health official.
I went to a place like this once. Had a bison burger (?) and it was avtually fucking delicious. The fries were just "fries" but they weren't bad in any way. Above average in flavor and consistency.
I'm guessing most places like this are garbage and the one time I went, I got lucky.
It just the generic “burger place“ design. I haven't seen a burger restaurant that doesn't look like this.
So it logically follows that all the bad ones will look like it
Yeah the good burger places look mostly like this too. Or they did, and everyone copied it.
A lot of em make good burgers, too. Just not $35 with fries level good
Most of them are mediocre. Most burger places were mediocre, and then the American gastropub trend saw burgers being made nice as opposed to diner food or bar food. They could also charge more money because they were making nicer food.
Eventually a bunch of the mediocre places shifted to try to also be nice, but mostly just increased prices, changed decor, and started using the word aioli more than mayo. Oh, and pretzel buns on burgers that got taller without being bigger and are cumbersome to eat.
In the plus side, if you like a Swiss burger with a garlic aioli, a burger with a fried egg on it, or a burger with 2 pieces of bacon, a spicy BBQ sauce, and fried onion strings and you're in the mood for some fries with bits of peel on them and a garlic Parmesan butter, then you know exactly what they're going to put in from of you and exactly what it'll taste like.
Mediocre. Not bad, but definitely not the best you've ever had.
So the city I live in has a few of these and they're some of the best burgers in town, for fairly reasonable prices.
There's a fucking war on here for the best burger and I'm so happy for it. We don't fuck around with burgers.
They're so good and reasonably priced that the first time I saw this meme I was a little confused. Like yeah the aesthetic is kinda lame but that doesn't change the food. Maybe the stools aren't comfortable but like, there are regular tables. Like what's the problem??
Then I went to another city.
My friends, I am so, so, sorry. You don't deserve this. Good burgers aren't hard, they're really not. Just stay home, invest in a griddle. Even if it's just a small one for your stove top, you can make better burgers at home. Make friends with a local butcher, he won't steer you wrong. I don't know what caused that trend but I know the only way to stop it is to stop going.
My city has both, and they're decorated the same. I just wonder whether a really good burger place did this first and then crappy ones showed up to copy the decor and forgot to make the food good.
Broke: We can offer you our truffle fucked nothingburger with garlic ass for $20 dollars with every single fry costing a dollar extra
Bespoke: falafel shawarma $3, yoghurt or hummus, boss?
And the opposite of this, if the menu is plain text and pictures of food that were taken with a digital camera from 2009 then its going to be fantastic
Funnily enough, I'm Spanish and the meme is somehow also accurate here?
Australian and it's accurate here. I suspect the trend is common wherever there's a market for hipster burger places
Worst place I ate brought the raw burger to you next to a boiling hot slab of rock. I was expected to cook my own burger the way I liked it. Well fuck you, I'm paying you to cook my meal. Plus it just seemed disgusting to have raw meat at the table anyway
I hate the "EAT" sign. I came here for food please don't be so demanding about it
You will eat here, and you will be happy about it! 😡
I'll need a nixie tube sign to tell me to be happy
+ chef wearing black gloves
And its name is always like some suburbanite place: The Yard, Patio Patties, Culdesac Restaurant & Bar
Either that or it sounds like they chose 2 Monopoly pieces at random
The Top Hat & Thimble
The Boot & Iron
The Wheelbarrow & Cannon
remember r/WeWantPlates ?
They have one here! I just subbed to it! All we need is wewantcups.
Copy + paste small business tyrant investment. Like a ghost kitchen. They all just copy each other because it returns a consistent profit.
There is probably some kind if grotesque item in the menu as a "draw", too. The Tower of Cheese. The Bacon Bun. The [town name] challenge, a dish made of 34 kinds of flesh. Get in here, techbros! Get your grub.
Sed Porttitor isn't even that good, I dunno why they need it on their menu a half a dozen times.
You gotta try the Proin Ultrices
This is absolutely not true.
Sometimes it's a very mediocre $8 taco.
Facts. We have a burger place like this that people love for some reason, but I swear they most the mid-quality burgers for $20+. It's crazy that people keep going there, imo.
Don't forget the smugness. These types of places always have such smug staffing, like they think they shit gold or something. It's like bitch please, you're demanding someone pay a day's wage for you to fuck up ground beef. Fuck off out of here with your foofoo bullshit burger.
Seen this meme tons of times and I never noticed the menu was lorem ipsum
look. imagine a place where the burger is not native. where the best burger you can hope for is... adequate.
imagine, if you will, a country shaped like a schnitzel.
in the twilight zone.
