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submitted 1 month ago by Emperor@feddit.uk to c/andfinally@feddit.uk

A brutal series of attacks at a rural monastery in Spain over the weekend has left several people injured, after an assailant reportedly broke in and declared "I am Jesus Christ and I am going to kill the monks." Following a lengthy search of the countryside around Valencia, police have arrested a man on suspicion of carrying out the vicious attack, which left a 76-year-old man fighting for his life.

Initial reports on Saturday indicated that a Catholic Bishop had been killed during the violent rampage, during which the assailant is alleged to have used a historical artefact, as well as a glass bottle, to attack monks at the monastery. However, emergency services have since confirmed that no one died, but one individual remains in a critical condition in hospital following the assault

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[-] Asafum@feddit.nl 25 points 1 month ago

Goddamn it Jesus you couldn't go do the money changers again? The banks my man not monks, the banks!

[-] Emperor@feddit.uk 14 points 1 month ago

I am intrigued as to what the "historical artefact" is.

[-] Death_Equity@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

It just so happened to be the monastery that kept the cudgel of St. Patrick.

[-] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

THAT’S what St. Patrick’s Day should be about.

[-] Blackmist@feddit.uk 1 points 1 month ago

An elegant weapon for a more civilized age.

[-] Mr_Blott@feddit.uk 13 points 1 month ago

Strange how if you search for another source rather than clicking an utter shitrag like The Mirror, every single result is by an utter fucking shitrag

[-] Zier@fedia.io 12 points 1 month ago

Religion, the eternal mental illness.

[-] Fizz@lemmy.nz 9 points 1 month ago

GTA 6 is going to have to work really hard to top the current reality.

[-] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Screw gta, this is something out of postal.

[-] Fizz@lemmy.nz 2 points 1 month ago

The monks should have signed his petition

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

This makes me wanna go have fisticuffs with this Jesus guy declaring myself Methuselah. Get him in a headlock and demand he bless me.

[-] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 7 points 1 month ago

“Jesus tags in Herod the Great! Herod’s climbing the turnbuckles… he’s on the top rope… pauses a moment to get the crowd behind him… oh, he’s going for the elbow drop on Methuselah…!”

[-] kokesh@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

It's a fighting Jesus then

[-] FooBarrington@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

He's not the Jesus we want, but he's the Jesus we need

[-] Commiunism@beehaw.org 4 points 1 month ago

Dunno about you but I believe him

[-] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Welp. Title claimed.

this post was submitted on 14 Nov 2024
78 points (97.6% liked)

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