"Thank you for your patience"

Unfortunately due to other matters I don’t have the bandwidth today.

Let’s schedule a follow-up to discuss for a later date so I can give this the focus it warrants.

I'm sorry. My brain is slow today and this needs to be done while I am fresh. We can go over it tomorrow.

I am too burnt out today.

I can't focus on that right now.

I am not functional enough for that.

I don't even make shit up and I am done with corpo speak. If they can't accept that, then they can get over it. We can discuss this like humans. If I can get you started, great, but if you want this done right, you will wait.

(I just recreated the original because that one is jpegged to hell and back. I used draw.io (used the original image as background), then exported as SVG, jammed it through SVGOMG, and then let ChatGPT do one last optimization because the font stuff was a bit too much, removed the whitespace and comments - boom: 700kb SVG)

What’s the priority on this? I’ve been a little scattered today.

Bear with me, I’ve been running around all day, and I need to catch up and refocus.

This is why I love working in a blue collar field. Who needs professionalism. "Sorry boss, brain's fucked today. Explain it at me like I'm an apprentice."

The coffee hasn't kicked in yet.

Bonus round: you don't drink coffee.

"Sorry, I don't function well on Mondays"

"But today is Wednesday"

"I call it third Monday"

"Sorry, I haven't had my coffee yet."

I like to explore all the angles before committing to a decision

I work smarter not harder

I can assure you of my intellectual capacity but there is a severe incompatibility with cognitive functions on this day.

Sorry, I have a case of the Mondays!

"Co-pilot, make up an excuse for me."

I am unavoidably detained due to furious diarrhea

Sorry, I have exceeded my bandwidth for the day.

"let's pencil in a session about that tomorrow morning"

"Just back from annual leave and trying to get upto speed" or "just had the closing meeting on an old project. Once I'm fully read in on this I will be able to take it on"

Then there's me. Who's not smart AND my brain is fried. AMA

"It's been a long day."

I find the blank, abyssal stare of one desperately trying to piece reality back together long enough to hold conversation, sends a pretty clear message

I promise I'm smart my brain is just sautéed.

"Apologies, X AM/PM is too early in the morning for my brain"

It becomes more of a joke the later it is in the day.

We need some internal discussion on this. (When talking to an external party or another department)

Think no. Brain not good.

When I'm in that situation, my go-to is "I don't think I can do that today, but I think we should definitely look into that sometime"

"My apologies, I seem to have contracted an acute case of skibidi brainrot."

I've seen

I am at capacity

And

My head is full