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Sometimes, it's backwards
(sh.itjust.works)
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this post was submitted on 28 Sep 2024
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Programmer Humor
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More like:
"IT people when software people talk about their requirements"
No, we won't whitelist your entire program folder in Endpoint Protection.
Yep, unrealistic expectations.
Or "you need a 12th gen i7 to run this thing"... the thing is a glorified Avidemux.
Christ, if you could see the abysmal efficiency of business tier SQL code being churned out in the Lowest Bidder mines overseas...
Using a few terrabytes of memory and a stack of processors as high as my knee so they can recreate Excel in a badly rendered .aspx page built in 2003.
We have a table with literally three columns. One is an id, another a filename and a third a path. Guess which one was picked as the primary key?
Never seen something so stupid in 28 years of computing. Including my studies.
Well, you don't want to waste space by adding the same file path twice
As a dev, I had to fix an O( n! ) algorithm once because the outsourced developer that wrote it had no clue about anything. This algorithm was making database queries. To an on-device database, granted, so no network requests, but jesus christ man. I questioned the sanity of the world that time, and haven’t stopped since.
Oh yeah, I love people who stick SQL lookups in a For Loop. Even better, the coder who puts conditional if (but no then/else) clauses around a dozen raw text execution commands that fire in sequence. So you're making six distinct lookups per iteration rather than answering your question in a single query and referencing the results from memory.
Internal screaming
Sure, I could read a book about best practices and Big O...but...What if we just table the idea for a few iterations of Moore's Law instead?
It's asymptotic. Slower O doesn't mean faster program.
When I say Big O, I'm talking about the slick jazzy anime about rejecting true love and living with heartbreak because we believe a lie about our own superiority. This is always true, no matter what the discussion context. If I happen to say anything remotely relevant to mathematical Big O, that is just a deeply weird coincidence.
Oh! You meant Moore's Law is asymptotic!?
Yes! That is key to the joke I was making.
Gigabit fiber? You're in some posh spot but needs to downgrade for some reason, right?
As a software person i have to protest at being called out like this. It's the fucking weekend man...stop picking on me for just one damn day.
Ouch yeah that windows endpoint stuff is really rattling though. I get you just can't whitelist some folder without compromising security, but when the "eNdPoInt pRoTeCtIon" just removes dlls and exes you are compiling (and makes your PC crawl) you really hate that shit.
Right click? 40 seconds plz (maybe any of the possible contextual right clicks might be on a virus so lets just check them all once again).
At home I have an old linux pc, and it blows those corpo super pcs out the window.
Rant off :-D
Ah yeah, IT people are chill, always be cool with them is also a good idea, not their fault all this crap exists.
Hahaha! We've an "architect" who insists he needs to be the owner on the gitlab. My colleague has been telling him to fuck off for the entire week. It reached the point that fool actually complained to our common boss... The guy is so used to working as a start-up and has no fucking clue about proper procedures. It's terrifying that he could be in charge of anything, really.
I started getting messages every week from a carbon black scan blocking access to some npm's package.json.
IT just white listed files named package.json.
In a rapidly churning startup phase, where new releases can and do come out constantly to meet production requirements, this one size fits all mentality is impractical.
If you refuse to whitelist the deployment directory, you will be taking 2am calls to whitelist the emergency releases.
No it can't wait until Monday at 9am, no there will not be a staged roll out and multiple rounds of testing.
I am more than willing to have a chat; you, me and the CEO.
I hope you're doing internal product development. Otherwise, name and shame so I can stay the hell away from your product. This is a post-Crowdstrike world.
It IS bespoke internal development, not for deployment outside of the facility.
The computers running the software exist only to run this software and have no business talking to the internet at all.
IT is provided by an external third party vendor who operate on an inflexible "best practices dogma".
Sounds like you’re stuck in a worst practices mindset.
Sign your damn releases and have the whitelisting done by cert.
Worst/Pragmatic.
If I get a timeline for a feature request, then everything can be scheduled, tested, whitelisted, delivered at a reasonable time.
That's the rarer event - normally it's more like "the scale head has died and a technician is on the way to replace it" and whilst I modify the program in question to handle this new input, hundreds of staff are standing around and delivery quotas won't be met.
Is my position arrogant? This is the job.
I'll see if this is possible at the site in question, thank you.