I guess MasterCard is either autistic or asshole now

Yeah I have two childhood friends that are brothers. Their other brother is very autistic. When we were kids a lot of people didn't understand autism enough to get that while yes, his autism did affect the way in which he was a tremendous asshole, it didn't cause it. He happened to have a shit personality and disability level autism

I agree but would qualify my agreement with a note:

Some of our neurodivergent traits come across as assholeish or rude behavior and while most of us try and temper and mask it does slip out especially in high stress situations.

Intention matters.

I think it's my responsibility to explain to coworkers and make super sure they understand how I am especially after a high stress event (for me that'd likely be a server outage in production).

I think it depends. My son is deep on the spectrum. He's pretty pleasant, and he can tell if he's making someone upset or angry, but often has no idea why.

I could absolutely see him being rude or making someone uncomfortable without knowing it, and in many cases I think it would be a challenge to help him even comprehend how or why he was doing so, even if he could tell it was happening.

One of the things that makes me feel the worst for him is when he can tell he's not handling a situation "correctly" but has no idea why. It really upsets him.

So yeah, I cut people who I think might be ND some slack.

There's one ND guy I have to interact with a lot, who has told me point blank that he enjoys watching me be miserable and seeing me squirm. No amount of trying to be nice has quelled this; in fact, it actuqlly started when I was making an earnest attemptnto be his friend, and he decided to fuck with me to "see what would happen." I am, as far as I can tell, the only person he does this with. He's also WILDLY homophobic, but he gets off scot free because most people know he's ND.

My policy since this shit started is that being ND (even heavily, as in his case) means everyone should be LENIENT, not willing to let fucking anything fly.

To be clear, Im also ND, and most of my friends are too. Its just this one fucking guy, which hey, is the point of this meme!

Seems like some users thought this thread was a free pass to question neurospicy folks legitimacy regardless of assholeishness. Cool lemmy.world, cool /s

"I don't care what's wrong with you. If you're an asshole, you're an asshole"

This has stuck with me for about 15 years now. A neurodivergent stage crew member who was consistently an asshole was being an asshole again, so this other kid just yelled at him and told him off. Everyone in the room gave him the shocked Pikachu face because he yelled at the ND kid. Someone said "dude, you cant yell at him" and then he laid down this quote.

This looks like a MasterCard. I can't unsee it.

I have an overwhelming urge to shop now.

Elon Musk.

Hell in the UK we had the (ex?) host of MasterChef, Greg Wallace, accused of being inappropriate with women in the workplace and making them feel unsafe and uncomfortable around him - Nothing illegal (that I know of), sure, but enough that he was rightfully dropped from whatever broadcaster was employing him.

Cut to a week into the tabloid media meltdown, Greg claims he "thinks he's on the spectrum" as an explanation for his sexually explicit and creepy behaviour around women. The usual shit where you're neuro typical until you're a prick then you're actually an autistic smol bean uWu.

When that didn't help, he then showed his true colours by claiming the "typical" kind of woman (I'm assuming he's referring to the trope of "ugly" women complaining about sexual harassment) making the complaints that got him fired.

I think a fair number of self-proclaimed "neurodivergent" folks just like it because: a) They think it's a free pass to be an asshole b) They think it indicates some sort of superpower with no downsides and that they are superior to "normal" people.

Knowing some clearly sincerely neurodivergent people I tend to be highly skeptical when people assert that status in an interaction where I wouldn't otherwise be able to tell.

You do not have to be friends with anyone! :D

Reminds me of once when a friend told me a story how someone watched his dick when he was peeing. When he got angry someone calmed him by sayong "Don't worry, he is just gay."

Yeah, why does this make sexual harasment any better?

I'm direct and highly value honesty, but I've learned that's no excuse for lacking tact. Being a minimal degree of kind and polite to neurotypical people isn't particularly difficult, it's just learning to interface with someone whose emotional drivers you may not completely share. It's easier than learning to interface with a nonverbal species like a cat or a parrot.

Yes, but it's IMHO not as clear cut. Some of the things we do because of our executive function disorder can be interpreted as us being assholes by those we interact with. One can act like an asshole at times and not intrinsically be one. Some things are perceived as assholeish by some people but not others.

It's exactly why I do not present any of the mental psychological isms my therapist gave me to other people. I've seen loads of folks who pretty much brag about these things—using them as excuses to be shitty or negligent people with no attempt at learning or practicing social skills. I run like the wind anytime I hear someone brag or lament (usually just a backdoor brag) that they are "empathic" or "highly sensitive." I'm very cautious around people who bring up their "ADHD," "anxiety disorder" or "autism"—especially if they do it regularly, publicly (on social media), or very early upon meeting them. And don't get me started about personality disorders. I know people who are legitimately trying their best with all these things, but the genuinely responsible and aware folks seem to rarely wear those as kind of strange badges of identity.

This drives me bananas.

On the one hand as someone with ASD, yeah, I would have loved to have a little more understanding growing up but on the other you do not get a free pass just because you are some flavor of "special". Everyone is special. Everyone is a weird combination of neurotypcial and neurodivergent it's just a matter of degree and how it's all put together. When you say someone is neurotypical... how do you even know?

When you say that something is not your fault because you are neurodivergent did you even try to find a work-around? Did you try to find away to make the other person more comfortable? Did you try to exercise the understanding you demand of others? Or did you just say you don't have to?

This is just an ad for MasterCard; change my mind.

When they ramble on about something you don't care about or actively don't want to discuss, say "Hey I don't like this conversation, can we talk about something else?"

Yellow: "Oh sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
Red: "What? Why don't you wanna talk about this, is it because you secretly hate me or are hiding something? Now I know we need to talk about it until I'm convinced you're hearing what I have to say on this topic."

had this happen in politics subs. “wow i can’t believe you hold the beliefs you do, what kind of neurodivergent are you?” has deadass happened

i would rather you call me a slur :(

One more post for this thread and then protecting my energy. Topic of great passion, interest and survival for me.

You are not an asshole for protecting your energy from abusive behavior.

The following must not be confused with abusive/asshole behavior:

https://purrfurnax.tumblr.com/post/750391775364104192

Social Ostracization and Bannishment should be a last resort only.

We can do better with communal moderation and conflict resolution.

I reccomend the youtube channel AnRel to address some of the greater nuances

Also, this playlist is something i return to every so often: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLaOxDnLZqNcmxxkuxTVxYnhrYEOeoTRjP

Everyone is an amateur psychologist now