"I'd challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you're unarmed."

~ William Shakespeare, The Taming of the Shrew

"You want my children? Take them! I have the instrument to make more."

~ Caterina Sforza when blackmailed by kidnappers using her children as leverage (main source: Niccolo Machiavelli)

"We fulfill the demands of nature in a much better way than do you Roman women; for we consort openly with the best men, whereas you let yourselves be debauched in secret by the vilest."

~ Earliest recorded words of a Scot, third century AD (never change, Scotland).

When my late husband said, "why you syphilitic son of a bitch" I knew that he was really angry at someone and if he said "rats in a dishpan" then something just went haywire. He passed away 30 years ago now and I have never heard another person say those things.

You can get pretty good results by saying, "Well {verb} my {noun}!" It always ends up sounding quaint. It's like the mad libs of incredulity

• Well kiss my grits!
• Well steam my hogs!
• Well string my banjo!
• Well iron my shirts!
• Well paint my deck!
• Well trash my patio!
• Well crash my harddrive!
• Well tear my pants!

I say "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph" as an exclamation to this day.

"Ketter" meaning heathen.

My grandfather used it recently: "I used to smoke like a heathen".

Accusing someone of having too much semen.

It was a thing.

John Adams accused Alexander Hamilton of having such an excess of semen that all the brothels in the city couldn't help him.

A she bitch of a goat's gizzard

"I'll be hornswaggled in duck sauce!"

I'm also partial to "you are mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence" from the movie Time Bandits, and i use it frequently. Applied it to a comment yesterday, as a matter of fact.

Always like to hear a "dagnamit" or a "goldarnit".

Scotland was, oddly, the last country in the UK do get rid of blasphemy laws, so the generation before mine used phrases like -

Jings, crivvens and help ma Boab!

And

In the name o the wee man!

Cor blimey

Consarn it, rabble rousers and highwaymen struck when the iron was hot and now the flat foots are taking them all to the hoose-gow.

My username.

Not an insult really, but always like the saying

"it's louder than 2 skeletons fucking on a tin roof"

Points if it comes from unexpected sources.